


On Your Left (then i'll know)

by TVBS



Series: Hearing love another way [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: ASL, Awkward Sex, F/F, F/M, First Time, M/M, Multi, hearing impaired character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-02-25 14:08:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 24,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2624597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TVBS/pseuds/TVBS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Michael goes quiet in the middle of recording a Rage Quit. Everyone assumes he's raging too hard to talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Motherfucking piece of _shit_!"

If anyone could work through a recording of Rage Quit, Gavin would be surprised. Even in his office, even with headphones, he could hear Michael in the breaks. It broke his concentration, stabbing through his brain like lightning with each spewing of profanity. His thumb pressed against the area between his eyebrows as he heard another wordless noise of rage, then a very welcome sound. One that meant silence, blissful silence, and maybe a few bevs to bring his boy back to himself once he was done. The gurgle that meant he was about to go completely silent rage, too angry for words. It worried Gavin that Michael did this, that he got so angry he lost words, but it almost seemed like a tipping point. Once there, the ire drained out of him and he left those Rage Quits calmer than his usual ones.

Michael would definitely appreciate a few beers after this. If he had gotten that angry, then definitely. Nothing too much; he didn't want to hand a drunk Michael off to his wife, after all. But just something to take his mind off what he had just played. Gavin pulled himself out of his chair before he could even finish that thought, intent on raiding the beer supply. One or two wouldn't hurt.

It couldn't make an interesting Rage Quit to have to cut so much of it, he mused as he started over to where Michael was recording. The whole idea was to listen to Michael rage at a game. So much dead air to cut from him silently staring at the screen, not even able to talk during footage- what a waste. But the sound of a controller being flung across a room, that could be picked up anywhere. And it signaled the end of him playing, obviously. Michael never kept playing after he threw something. Gavin shifted the beers into one hand and carefully opened the door, just in case the headphones were next. He hadn't thrown those yet, but he had a feeling their time was yet to come.

He wasn't staring at the door. Already going better than when Kerry peeked in. No, Michael still faced his screen, eyes screwed tight in anger as his hands balled in the air. He growled, low and primal and nothing Gavin had heard before come from his throat. One hand swooped down, then the other. Michael's eyes snapped open as-

Gavin stood transfixed as Michael's hands moved sharply, the hands working with obviously familiar gestures and emotion. It was another side of a Rage Quit, one still as colorful and passionate as verbal. Why hadn't he told anyone? The movements were so graceful in their anger, and still so perfect for Rage Quit. Was Michael ashamed that he could do this? Finally, he ripped his headphones off and ran a hand through his curls before shutting down his recording, his head turning to see Gavin as he turned. His hands came up, palms facing upward with one shoulder shrugging up as the question snarled across his face. "I uh-" Gavin winced at the words, the first spoken since Michael's last cry of rage. "I just thought you might want a bev or two after recording that." He lifted the hand holding the beers as proof.

Michael took a breath, leaning back. It took him a moment before he reached out, hand beckoning for the beer. One hand reached to his lips, tips touching the edge of his mouth before arcing out and down as he took the bottle from Gavin. Not as obvious as before, but given what just happened- "That means thank you, yeah?"

The look of pure exasperation Michael gave him answered that for him. Gavin took a long pull of beer, slowly licking his lips as he thought. So how does one go about asking about this kind of thing? Just- go ahead and-? "I didn't know you knew sign language, Michael."

That made him laugh, almost bitterly as he took a swig of his own. "It's nothing big," Michael told him, finally breaking his own silence. "Just something I learned years ago." He closed his eyes, tilting his head back. "Don't really worry about it. Not like 'knows ASL' is a big thing in this company."

"But Michael!" He couldn't help himself. The possibilities started to come to him as Gavin leaned forward. "You can talk without talking. Think of all the things you can say when your mouth is full or it's really loud or you don't want someone else to hear you. It's like your own private language- oh! Lindsay knows, doesn't she? I bet you two talk about all kinds of things we don't know about."

"It's not really a private language if anyone that knows ASL can tell what I'm saying," Michael reminded him. "And yeah, Lindsay knows. We don't really- talk, much. She's only learned a little so far." The post-silent rage Rage Quit stillness had overtaken him, leaving Michael almost worryingly quiet. "Hey, just... don't tell anyone, okay? It's not like it's really a big secret, but they just don't need to know. Doesn't really change anything, right?"

"Yeah, no, I get it." Not really, but it was Michael's wish, and he wasn't that much of an asshole. "Do you think I can learn to talk to you like that too?"

That made Michael laugh and take another drink. "If you can do that, yeah, sure."

Challenge accepted. He was going to learn sign language so he could have super secret conversations with Michael.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your kind notes so far! I have so many people in my life that are hearing impaired, including myself, that I just wanted to write something like this.

Learning sign language turned out to be a lot harder than Gavin realized.

While he picked up on the alphabet fairly quickly, "p" and "q" always mixed him up. Something about the way his fingers were supposed to go just didn't work right. But slowly, he learned to spell out at least names, practicing them over and over so he could use them quickly in a conversation. And if he didn't know a word, he could always spell it out and if he got it right, Michael would know what he was talking about.

Until he actually got into grammar.

"You've got to be kidding me," Gavin muttered. All he wanted to know was how to say "Do you want to play a game?" Instead, there were all these rules about how sentences were structured, when to add the question mark, and even facial expression. The words themselves he could learn. And it almost seemed easier to actually ask if Michael wanted to play a game with his hands than words. Less words, anyway. But how in the world did he know which way to actually phrase it? Gavin frowned as he tried it, wondering if the pretend pressing of buttons was the right sign. Wouldn't pressing buttons with the right hand and moving a stick with the left make more sense for video game? "Bollocks. Maybe I'll just ask how his day's going."

He really wanted to learn how to talk to Michael with his hands sooner than a month, and now it looked like it was going to take a lot longer than that.

* * *

"So Michael tells me you're learning ASL to talk to him."

Gavin pulled his feet up into his chair as Lindsay leaned against his desk. "Yeah. It's really bloody hard." Which undersold it. He had almost asked Michael his original question when he realized he didn't know what he'd answer with, and how. Destiny? Would he spell it out, or use the sign for it? "How in the world did you even learn?"

"A lot of fucking up and watching him laugh at me," she told him bluntly. "It took a lot more time than I thought it would take." Lindsay eyed him, crossing her arms. It was one of those "Eyeing With Purpose" she did, meaning she was thinking about something. "You're putting a lot of effort into something you really don't need to learn."

"He's my boy," Gavin protested. "And I'd like to learn to say some really secret things to him."

That earned him a snort. "You know they won't be secret if I can tell what you're saying, right?" Lindsay paused for a moment, still eyeing him. "Do you plan on teaching Meg?"

Meg... Gavin let his legs drop as he leaned forward a bit. "We hadn't seen each other in... well, she had to leave as soon as I got back, yeah? And it's all we don't have time to even kiss goodbye before one of us has to jet off somewhere." It hurt to say it. He had truly liked her a lot. Gavin let his arms rest against his thighs as he leaned forward. "I don't want anyone to know because the bloody fandom would go mental, but we split up."

"Oh Gavin..."

"I'll be fine," he reassured her. "We're still friends, and we get along fine like that. Anyway, I have learning this to keep me busy." Gavin leaned back in his chair, Lindsay watching him as he did so. "What?"

She shook her head. "Barbara and I are going out tonight," Lindsay told him instead. "If I don't hear stories about how much you fucked up trying to say something to him and how you make up words even with your hands, I'm going to call you a chickenshit for the rest of your life." With those confusing words, she pushed herself off his desk. "Also, Gus wanted me to remind you that you're on the podcast tonight."

"I haven't lost my memory. Of course I remember that." Once he was reminded. Maybe he should put the learning a new language thing on hold.

"Good." Lindsay started off, tossing over her shoulder, "Don't do anything too dumb if there's not a camera."

He would respond to that but given what he had actually done in the past...

* * *

Despite everything he had done, Gavin wasn't stupid.

So when he called Michael's name over and over, head next to his right shoulder as he leaned on the couch, without a single response, it started to worm through his drunken mind that maybe Michael might be ignoring him in favor of their game.

Which sucked, because he hadn't really done anything too outrageous today. His trolling had been kept to a minimum given how much work he actually had to get done before the end of the day, and even then, Michael hadn't really gotten that angry. So why was he ignoring him now? Gavin struggled up to his feet, disgruntled. He had been a lot more annoying than this and Michael hadn't ignored him. What was going on?

"Where the hell are you going?" Michael paused the game to look up at him at the feeling of Gavin's weight lessening behind him. Thankfully, he hadn't laughed too hard when Gavin had silently asked him if he wanted to play, and proceeded to effortlessly confuse him more by responding quickly with his hands. "If you're getting another beer, get me one too."

Had Michael just been too involved with his game to even realize he had been called? "Sure thing. Hey, Michael?"

"What's up?"

No, Michael wasn't angry at him for some reason. Maybe it really was he had just ignored everything in favor of the game. Even though it really wasn't that good. "Ah, nothing. And I think you're about to die."

"What? Oh bull fucking-" Michael starting swearing as he unpaused, realizing what position he had been in before he had turned his attention to Gavin. Which meant it was time for him to go get the beer. As his fingers curled around the beer bottle, a thought wiggled its way into his mind, calm and almost unimportant.

Did Michael ever talk to anyone and not face them?


	3. Chapter 3

Despite what people said, Gavin Free was not an idiot.

... okay, that statement had to be amended. When it came to things he wanted to pay attention to, he wasn't an idiot. Camera work, for instance, he could be a genius at. During episodes of The Slo Mo Guys, he always could find ways to frame the shots well, when to properly slow down the footage, and by how much. Editing, he could also pull off with ease. So when it came to things he wanted to do, he wasn't the idiot everyone said he was. And then everything else was irrelevant and he ended up acting like an idiot anyway.

The point was, the drunken thought he had didn't want to go away. It lingered in the back of his mind, making him hyperaware of every time someone called out Michael's name, and how he turned to the speaker. Little things. How he was slow to react to someone talking directly to him during Minecraft Let's Plays. How he always had a look of concentration when someone with a beard talked to him. They all added up in ways that didn't make sense to him, that felt like they should.

"You look like you're planning something you shouldn't be doing." Lindsay leaned up against the wall, crossing her arms. "Though someone's probably going to tell me that's your default look by now."

"I'm just trying to figure something out." He paused, then looked at her grinning. "And I'm hurt! I don't always do things I shouldn't be doing."

"No, sometimes you don't do things you should be doing." Gavin gave her an odd look at that, making her roll her eyes. "Goddamn it, Gavin. Look, I'm not going to make you figure it out if you can't do it on your own. But maybe you should stop worrying about it so much at work," she told him, emphasizing the last word, "and get your goddamn head back in the game. I'm starting to have to pick up your editing jobs when you're falling behind on them and I'm getting tired of it." Without waiting for him to try to get words out of his throat, Lindsay pushed herself off the wall. Instead of going back to her desk, Gavin noticed, she went over to Michael, and leaned down next to his left ear to whisper something. Something that made him roll his eyes and pull back. It looked like a private conversation, he noticed belatedly, especially how Michael's gaze kept flickering to her lips when she talked. And that didn't seem to escape her notice, as she gave him a quick peck before leaving.

Gavin pulled himself back to his desk with shaking motions, his ears burning. Why had he watched? Palms scrubbed over his thighs as he licked his lips, the memory of Michael looking down to Lindsay's sticking with him.

* * *

Little things added up.

Gavin didn't know what the answer was, but they were starting to make a pattern. He knew he had to notice something. That there was something there he had to pay attention to, that would have everything make sense. But it slipped away from him the more he thought about it, the last piece missing.

"Hey Gavino, you want to come over tonight? Lindsay's going out with Barbara and there's a game that says I need an ass to kick." Michael peeked his head in, fingers drumming against the threshold. "Just got a new bottle of Tito's, too."

Games and vodka. Sounded like a good combination to him. "Sure thing, mate," Gavin replied distractedly, making sure the video he was working on saved first before turning to him. "Need me to bring anything?"

"Nah, I think we got plenty of mixers. Just bring your British ass and we're good." Michael grinned at him. Gavin's lips curled in an answering grin as the curly head ducked back out, the thought of getting drunk and playing games after work sounding more and more awesome as he thought about it. Sure, if Lindsay had been there they still could have done that but they didn't really get together as the three of them that much, Michael more asking him over when his wife...

Huh. That was a piece of the puzzle that didn't fit at all.

* * *

"And another win!" The cheer rose out of Michael's throat as he leaned back, a whoop escaping soon after. "Oh yeah! Humiliating the shit out of you at your own challenge!"

For a moment, all Gavin could do was squawk. He hadn't meant for that to happen. He had been practicing at Halo, trying to get back after that VS so he could prove he wasn't completely horrible at that game. To actually win at something after being dominated for hours at something Michael had picked. Instead, the asskicking continued, making Gavin stare at the screen with a disbelieving look. "One more match. I can get this, I promise."

Micheal turned to him with a grin, laughing. "No way, dude. I think that's enough making you my bitch for tonight."

"Just one more!" he insisted. "I'm just getting..." Gavin's voice stuttered to a stop as he noticed Michael's eyes. They had that intense look, the one normally reserved for playing a game that would usually piss him off, or talking to someone with a beard. And they had glanced down briefly, watching- watching his mouth. Gavin licked his lips self-consciously, his throat running dry. Shakily, he raised one hand, tilting it up towards his mouth. _Drink?_

"Huh? Yeah, what do you want?" Michael stood up, looking back at him. "Same as before?"

Gavin nodded, licking his lips again. There wasn't anything he could get out, nothing he could say. He wanted to make a joke, laugh about how he was looking at his lips and about how all the Mavin talk had gotten to him and- but he was on the verge of something. Those puzzle pieces wanted to fall together, the looks, the way he watched Lindsay and Gavin's lips, there was just something missing- something his drunk mind just couldn't connect-

A drink came into his vision, breaking his thoughts. "Here." Michael threw himself down next to him when Gavin took it, picking his controller back up. "You still want to lose to me or has your ass had enough?"

Michael had sat down to his right. Putting his left side to Gavin.

Lindsay always stood to the left of Michael, talked into his left ear.

Michael hadn't reacted when Gavin talked into his right ear.

Slowly, Gavin put his drink down. What was that piece he needed? Michael noticed as he put the glass down, dropping the controller in his lap. _What's up?_

The sign language. The way he didn't react to the right ear. The lip thing.

"You're deaf," Gavin breathed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep getting kudos for this and it makes me so happy!
> 
> And people with hearing impairments can not self-identify as deaf even though they may be legally so. See also my life.

For a moment, Gavin hoped he was wrong. He had said that so quietly that he barely heard it, and Michael shouldn't have. And he wasn't sure Michael really was reading his lips. But when Michael's face closed off, all friendliness leeching out, he knew. No questions about it now.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Michael spat out, picking up his controller again. "I can hear you just fine."

"You're reading my lips! And- And you talk in sign language. And-" How did he not notice all this before? How did anyone not notice that Michael looked at people's lips when they talked, that he turned to them, that he always put them to his left? "And you don't react to anyone on your right!" Gavin knew he should stop talking, but the words pressed against his lips, begging to be let out. "Michael."

He could see the fury breaking over Michael's face. "What? What do you want me to say? That oh yeah, you're completely right?" He glared at Gavin, dropping the controller again. "You're not. I can hear you. I don't need a hearing aid or anything like that in order to get by in this world. So what if I do things that make my life a little easier?" Michael stood, looming over Gavin as a wave of anger and rage. "I'm not fucking _deaf._ "

Gavin needed to stand. He couldn't let Michael sweep him under with his emotions. "Michael..."

"Shut up, Gavin. Just shut the fuck up. " Michael moved to grab his keys, hands moving in jerky motions. "You know what? You're going home. We're done for tonight."

"Michael, why don't you want to talk about this?" Pressing seemed like such a bad idea, but he couldn't let it go. Not yet. "I just-"

"Want to be a fucking pain in the ass? Look, asswipe, I don't talk about it because it doesn't fucking matter. I can hear you. I can talk to everyone and I know what everyone says. I can do my goddamn job. Whether or not I have perfect hearing means absolutely nothing. Plus, everyone's going to think what you did, and treat me like I'm fucking deaf." Michael shoved his feet into his shoes, scowling. "And you know what? I'm not. I don't need special treatment or any of that shit. I don't need anyone to treat me like I'm glass or talk to me any different. So no one needs to know, okay?" At that, he glared at Gavin, daring him to say otherwise.

To which Gavin couldn't say anything. What was he supposed to say? He kept opening his mouth, trying to speak, then stopping as the words wouldn't come. Finally, he lifted his hand to his chest. _Sorry,_ he said silently, guilt playing over his face. He wanted to say more, but- "I wouldn't-"

"Just shut up, Gavin. I don't care what you wouldn't do right now."

Gavin winced at that, and started to put on his own shoes. He had said the wrong thing and now this. With just those two words, he could have ended anything he had between them. Why had he even said it?

The drive back to his house ached with the silence. Gavin wanted to cut through it with something, anything to tell Michael that he just wanted him to know he finally understood why Michael did the things he did. That he wouldn't treat him any differently, and he wouldn't tell anyone. He didn't- want him to look at him like that, not with that anger. But the rage rolling off Michael choked the words in his throat, making him watch the streets roll by instead. When they finally parked, it took everything to unclip the seatbelt and open the door.

"Hey asshole." The fury had simmered down into something more weary, making Gavin look back at him. "Don't ever say that again."

"I won't." Not even on threat of termination. He didn't want Michael to look at him like that again.

"Good. Now get the fuck out of my car."

* * *

"What. The fuck. Did you do."

Sometimes Gavin forgot Lindsay had just as much a temper as Michael. When it was aimed squarely at him, it was hard to forget. "I uh."

Her hands slammed down on the desk as she leaned in, her own fury invading his space. "When I got home, Michael had more to yell about you than was normal 'Gavin was a trolling fuck.' So what did you fucking do?"

Gavin looked around, trying to see if anyone was about to come in before tugging on his right ear. He knew it wasn't the right sign, but he couldn't remember it right now. Lindsay looked at him for a moment, confused, before leaning back with disbelief crossing her face. "I know I shouldn't have, but I just realized it and-"

"You did not use the 'D' word. You were not that dumb." Her voice told him that she didn't believe her own words, and knew he would have done just that. "Goddamn it, Gavin."

He rubbed his legs, not looking at her. That had been his entire thought process the rest of the night. He had been that dumb, saying something like that when Michael was obviously hiding it. And now he didn't know how to fix it. "Michael hates me now, doesn't he."

"Well, he's about ready to rip your head off if you'd say a word to him, and I think I'd let him." Heat colored her words. "But he doesn't hate you. If he did, he wouldn't be so angry at you."

Gavin looked up at her, surprised. "What?"

Lindsay rubbed her forehead, sighing. "Pay attention. What I'm saying is Michael's pissed at you because you did something dumb. Which means he gives a shit about you. Just... don't treat him any differently and don't even hint about it to anyone else. And if you do something stupid like this again I swear Michael will be the least of your worries."

"I understand." And Lindsay sometimes was scarier than her husband. Gavin watched as she left for her desk, rolling the words over in his mind. Michael didn't hate him, which meant a lot. But... what was he supposed to do? He licked his lips, remembering how Michael would intently watch them shape words, and shivered. Michael had watched Lindsay's lips the same way, with the same intensity.

What was he doing? Gavin shook himself, reaching for the mouse. He had work to do, not moon over what was wrong between him and Michael. They could figure it out before the next video they did together, and Team Nice Dynamite could continue on, with no one the wiser. Just like before. He just... had to get that look out of Michael's eyes first.

* * *

That went poorly. Gavin laid back on his bed, feeling every exhausted muscle in his back ache. Everything he had tried to make Michael laugh, every dumb stunt he would usually pull or words Michael would usually decry as made up were met with a glare and him leaving the room. Today had been a very poor day, and he didn't even have someone he could curl up with now to make it better. Gavin pulled his hands over his face, trying to get the thought of Meg curling up next to him out of his head. Not something that would make his day any better.

No, the memory of Meg made things even worse, as he started to remember that wicked little smile she'd give him as she'd mold her body to his. Christ, he hadn't had a good shag since before they broke up, with their schedules the way they were. Gavin groaned, hips shifting a bit as Meg's memory kissed his jaw. Well, if this was how it was going to go, he might as well help it along. He quickly wiggled everything down far enough that his cock laid bare before him, already half hard. Maybe doing this would help make the day better, he thought as he wrapped his hand around himself, lazily pumping. It wasn't as if he didn't have a wealth of memories to help it along, from that smile to the way she'd gasp with his fingers in her, to the curve of her body under his fingers... Gavin groaned, his hand moving faster. He was so tense already from the day it wouldn't take much more, he could just-

Dark eyes looked at him, intense and focused. A hand was stroking him as he was pierced by that look, something he wanted. His lips parted with a gasp and he knew they were looking at them, and he wanted more-

Gavin's breath choked as he came, his eyes looking up at the ceiling. For a moment, everything was white noise as he heard his heart in his ears, trying to forget the last fantasy in his mind. He didn't want to think about it. He had been thinking about Meg, about his ex, not-

He couldn't have been thinking about Michael.


	5. Chapter 5

If he could get through today without having to talk to Michael once, Gavin would consider it a win. After his blunder with calling him deaf, and then having perhaps the best wank since he and Meg had split up to the memory of Michael looking at him like that, he really didn't think he could talk to him without making an even bigger idiot out of himself. A bigger issue would be avoiding Lindsay, as she somehow managed to always pin him down when he least expected it. But if he ducked out now with Barbara-

"Whoa, Gavin, little handsy there." Barbara lifted her eyebrows at him as he ushered her out in front of him. "Need something?"

He ran a hand through his hair, taking a breath. She had been really friendly with Lindsay lately, and he really didn't want either of the Jones's to have an idea what was going on. He needed a little more time. "Just need a ride, yeah? Lunch and all."

Her eyebrows didn't come back down. "So why don't you ask Michael? Or are you two still having your little lover's spat?"

Christ, why did everyone call it that? "It's nothing," he assured her. "I'll pay. Torchy's? Or Homeslice? I think tacos would be a good idea, so let's go to Torchy's"

"Ooooor you can grow a pair?" Barbara deftly shifted away from him. "Fuck, Gavin, how hard is it to actually talk to someone instead of being an ass and thinking that'll solve your problem?" She glared at him, making him look down. "Don't think we haven't noticed you being more of a pain than usual. I'm going out with Lindsay." With those words, she left him gaping after her.

That was not supposed to happen. But that was okay, he had options. Geoff always could take him out too. That was, if he could _find_ Geoff. Where...? Gavin stopped, mentally berating himself. Of course. He was in meetings all day. Okay, so. Ray? He shouldn't be too busy.

Footsteps made him turn, hopeful it was someone that could take him out to lunch. Someone that wasn't the very displeased Michael glaring at him, making his mouth run dry as he remembered the fantasy in his mind's eye as his hand worked over his cock. "What do you want?" Michael snapped at him and that should not sound erotic of all things. Why was he starting to think of these things like that now?

"I uh..." Brilliant. Just brilliant. Gavin winced slightly as Michael's glare shifted in intensity, trying to hide how it made him want to shift his weight. "Barbara was supposed to take me out to lunch but she..." He trailed off as he realized where Michael's gaze was. The way he watched Gavin speak, so intent. He licked his lips, trying not to let it show in his voice. "She blew me off to have lunch with Lindsay," he finished, his voice only slightly shaky as Michael finally lifted his line of sight from Gavin's lips.

"See, I know you're lying, because she was always going to have lunch with Lindsay." Ow. Gavin looked away at the blunt words, trying to come up with a response. "Dude, I know you're trying to avoid me. Not exactly trying to hide it here."

Gavin just shrugged helplessly at that. "You've been right pissed at me," he said. "And nothing I can do will make you cheer up. I figured I would stop ticking you off for a while and let you cool off." He didn't need to hear about the other part of it. Once he got everything sorted out, it would be a silly thing he laughed about later. Being worked up about his mate's tendency to look at his lips to read them.

"Not a bad idea," Michael muttered. "Look, I'll take you out. What do you want?"

Crap. "I... tacos?" That was all he could think of, what he had told Barbara.

Michael nodded, motioning to him. "Then let's get some motherfucking tacos."

* * *

He'd watch him the entire him. With that cock in his mouth, Michael would turn his head up so those eyes would watch him babble out words, so he could read his lips say inane things in the middle of it- Gavin felt his breath hitch at the thought as his hand stroked firmly, free one convulsing on his sheets. He shouldn't be thinking about this, purposely fantasizing about what Michael would be doing. But he wanted so badly to come, and he needed this and being around Michael had been driving him bloody mental-

Maybe all he needed was to get this out of his system. To rub a few out, get used to it, and move on. But the idea of Michael pulling off Gavin and kissing him, the taste of him heavy on his tongue like how it had been when Meg had done the same made his head roll back as he wanted _more_. Gavin could almost feel Michael smiling against his lips, the curl almost a smirk as he knocked Gavin's hand out of the way and replaced it with his own. A finger teased against his ass, questioning, and he came instantly at the feeling.

It made it stare up at his ceiling, hand wrapped around his cock and fingers under and between his legs. Meg had never even considered ass play before. And now he was enjoying it more than he thought possible before even having something inside of him. And there was the idea of having something even inside of him-

He was in trouble, Gavin realized. This was more than rubbing a few out to the idea of Michael looking at him. This was full on he wanted gay sex with him. He... had thought about something like this before, what it would be like and if it would hurt or how good it would feel... but not in the context of him with Michael. Not actually shagging his friend. And now he wanted to. He was in trouble, and he didn't know how he would get out of it.

At least Lindsay was leaving him alone now. Gavin sat up slowly, looking down at himself. Ugh, he forgot to grab something to clean up with. He'd have to waddle to his bathroom. But Lindsay was starting to leaving him alone, spending time with Barbara and not antagonizing him. Little favors.

He still couldn't look Michael in the eye, though...


	6. Chapter 6

It took until the next week for Lindsay to ambush him. Gavin thought he had been doing so well, spending enough time with Michael that everyone thought they had made up, but no one could guess that every time Michael read his lips, he could imagine the other man stepping forward and pinning him against the wall in front of everyone and- A stifled sigh came to his lips as Gavin pushed that thought down. Public erections were impolite.

He had considered all of this before. What it would be like kissing blokes. Would it be different than kissing his girlfriends? He had looked at Dan before, wondering if he would taste the same or what before dismissing it. Dan was his best mate, and he wouldn't want to change that. And he was straight, after all. All the Mavin talk around the office, how to fuel it and tease it had made him wonder what it would be like if it were real instead of play, but that's all it was. Play. It had just gotten to his head, making him think he had a crush on his coworker. These thoughts swam in his head as Lindsay stepped into his path and grabbed his wrist, easily tugging him outside while he was surprised. "What is this all about?" he finally asked when she let him go, blinking.

"You avoiding us," came the simple response.

Gavin blinked. That was perceptive of her. "I'm not-"

Lindsay held up a hand, cutting him off. "You didn't come over any time Michael asked you over, and once you're done doing anything with him at work, you go right into editing. Everyone else has noticed you've cut down on being a huge pest too. And yeah, don't think I don't notice you get really busy whenever I come by so you don't have time to talk to me. So spill. Are you really that weirded out by the hearing thing?"

That's what they thought it was? Gavin breathed out a relieved breath. They had no idea he had nightly thoughts of that intensity focused on him and his body. "It's not that," he started, trying to answer without letting it on. "I'm just fine with that. I just have things to do. Really busy now."

She crossed her arms, not believing a single word. "Yeah. Busy. With what?"

"Uh..." Gavin's mind blanked out for a moment, knowing he should mention work or just home stuff before Lindsay snorted.

"That's what I thought. What's the real reason, Gavin?"

"That's the reason!" Her face didn't change. "I- I can't tell you."

She studied him, tapping a finger on her arm. "... does it have to do with Michael, or me?"

Michael. It would never have to do with Lindsay, not in this context. She was cool. But he couldn't tell her that. She'd start to guess, and then he'd be telling her about the big crush on her husband and that relationship he had with her would be ruined and- Gavin shook his head. Lindsay's arms started to fall from their crossed position as she started to put pieces together, and he winced. She was smart, but he just needed to make her think it was just something in his life that he could get done soon and then everything-

"Did I ever tell you how Michael told me?" Lindsay said suddenly. Gavin blinked at her, uncomprehending. "About what you know? He sat me down one day, about two weeks before he proposed. He said we needed to talk, and boy was I nervous. Those words are never good. Here I was, sweating that he was about to break up with me when he told me he had hearing problems and not to treat him differently but he wanted no secrets between us. I never realized before he had always sat on my right and when he watched my lips, it wasn't for a kiss but because he was reading them. It was a huge relief, knowing he was telling me something important to him instead of how he knew I had a huge crush on Barbara and he thought I didn't love him because of that."

That made Gavin blink. All of a sudden, all the time with Barbara made sense. And Michael asking him over when it happened- "Do you- I mean, are you two- does Michael-?"

"We have an arrangement. We can spend close time with other people, even date them. So you're not getting between us, you idiot."

"I don't-" he started to blurt out, stopping suddenly as he realized he could be saying too much when she raised an eyebrow.

"You don't what?" Lindsay asked slowly. "Don't want to be friends with him anymore?"

Oh God. She didn't know. She meant their friendship getting between them. "I mean, that isn't-"

She just glared at him. "What do you mean, Gavin? I know you two are good friends so you aren't going to get between us if-" She stopped. "Gavin, how did you find out? He didn't tell you. He doesn't just tell people. He doesn't even use subtitles on movies and shows, even thought it drives him crazy. You must have noticed something. About how he uses his left ear, or reads lips. Why were you noticing that? Why did you even-" Lindsay's eyes widened. "Holy shit. You were noticing that he was looking at your lips."

"I-"

" _Gavin._ " She looked around, her hair whipping around her in the wind as she leaned in. "Why didn't you just tell us?"

"I can't, okay?" Gavin told her, miserable. "We're both straight, and it's just me being an idiot like usual. It'll all be normal soon, yeah? Once I get used to knowing Michael's reading my lips."

Lindsay shook her head. "I knew you were holding yourself back, but I thought it was because you were afraid that now we were married, you were a third wheel... I didn't expect this. Look, I don't know how Michael would feel about this, but I'm having to listen to a lot of rants about how stupid you are, so you might want to talk to him. Hell, it might help you even get over this thing. But goddamnit, don't you fucking shut us out anymore unless you really don't want to be friends. And even if you don't, let us know. Idiot," she grumbled at the end, taking a step back.

"You're not... upset?" He had expect that, or more. For her to at least agree with him about how they both were straight. Because Michael was straight, right?

"Gavin? Until he asked me out, I pretty much knew you two were already knocking boots. So it's not exactly a surprise to me to know you have this big gay crush on him."

What? He had just started really wanting this, not just wondering, how had she-? "What?"

Lindsay just gave him an exasperated look. "If you haven't talked to him by the end of the day, and sober because we aren't do this 'Only can confess feelings when drunk' shit, then I'm tying you two together until you stop being a little shit and I can get some rest from Michael's rants." She turned away to go back into the building, leaving Gavin to consider that she was probably not lying about it.

Any of it.

* * *

It was harder than he thought to get Michael alone. Every time he tried, Miles interrupted them or Geoff wanted to talk about their schedule or Ray had something to say or- Gavin wanted to scream. He almost had enough courage to do what Lindsay wanted him to do before she went through with her threat, and it wasn't helping that people kept coming in while they were talking.

And the day was almost over. He could ask Michael over, have a few bevs, and just get slightly tipsy before confessing. Yeah, and he wasn't drunk, so that followed what Lindsay had said. Gavin absently tapped a key, his legs bouncing. He could do that. He just needed to get up, go over to Michael... Gavin licked his lips, taking a breath. Yeah, of course. Talk to him, and not think about those eyes on his lips. He stood, then jumped slightly at the sight of Michael in his doorway. "Oh. Michael, I was just about to-"

"Avoid me again? Yeah, sit your ass down." Oh. Well. Gavin slowly sat back down as he noticed the frustrated look in his eyes, and absently rubbed the arms of his chair. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I wasn't going to avoid you," he tried. "I uh... actually wanted to ask you if you wanted to come over tonight? I mean, if you wanted to and..." Michael did not look like he believe that. At all. Gavin took a deep breath, the way Michael's emotions played across his face and rolled off him starting to effect him. "And have some bevs?" he finished weakly.

"Do you really think I believe that's what you were about to do?" Michael stepped up close to him, making Gavin want to lean back if not for the fact it made his blood beat sharply through his body. He could feel his lips part slightly as Michael's presence loomed around him, forcing the man to be bigger than he really was. "I mean, really? You fucking really think that lameass story was really what you were about to do?"

Gavin nodded. "I... I needed to talk to you," he said, forcing his voice to be steady. "I've been a right git and I've needed to..." Michael was watching him talk. He was watching his lips with that furious concentration that made him think he was about to haul him up and kiss him. "I've needed to make it right," he finished, his voice getting away from him. "Michael, you're my..." Oh, sod it all. Gavin stood suddenly, making Michael step back in surprise. Before he could even think about it, he had grabbed Michael's shoulder and hauled him close, pressing their lips together with a needful noise. He could feel Michael's body stiffen with shock, and he pulled away. "I need to talk to you later," Gavin finally said after a few breaths, trying to get his voice back to calm and steady.

"I... I see that." Michael even sounded dazed. He took a step back, shaking his head. "Whoa. Um... Lindsay won't be home tonight. I think it'll be better if you come over to my place. And we're going to talk about what the fuck just happened, no wiggling out of this one."

Gavin nodded, running his teeth over his lower lip. "Yeah. Of course. Then... after work?"

"Yeah. See you then, Gav."


	7. Chapter 7

It all came down to this, on the same couch as Michael, beer in hand while they both tried to start talking. Michael lifted the bottle to his lips, watching Gavin roll his teeth over his own. He had been such an idiot, doing that. He shouldn't have let Michael's intensity get to him, shouldn't have just grabbed and kissed him like that-

"So." Michael lowered his beer to between his legs, leaning forward as he broke the silence. "That happened."

Gavin nodded, absently taking a drink. That had happened.

"Want to explain yourself? Like, was all that Mavin shit you started feeding really for the fans, or were you trying to really hit on me before and I was too fucking stupid to realize it?"

He shook his head wildly. "No," Gavin told him, voice faint. "I mean, yeah, I had thought about what it'd be like. It's normal, innit? To wonder what it'd be like to kiss blokes and what it'd be like if what we were playing at was real... but I wasn't real about it. I didn't really fancy you at first."

An eyebrow lifted at that last part, and he sat back slightly. "At first."

"Well-" Gavin made a motion with the hand holding the beer bottle, trying to explain his mental upheaval with a gesture. "I notice things, yeah? And after I saw you Rage Quitting in sign language, I started noticing you looking at my lips." Both eyebrows went up at that, and Gavin self-consciously licked his lips. "I couldn't stop noticing it, like how it was like you looking at Lindsay. And I-"

"Started to be more of a spaz about wondering," Michael finished. "Jesus Christ, Gavin. I was wondering why you suddenly got nervous like that after you found out. Didn't even think it was because you were having this big fantasy about making out with me." He sat back, taking another drink. "Kind of surprised, though. I thought you were strictly of the heterosexual type."

"I thought so too," Gavin mumbled into his beer, taking another sip. He liked girls. Wondering didn't make him gay or queer or anything like that.

Michael sat there for a moment, toying with his bottle while he thought. Gavin watched him nervously, not sure what would come out of his mouth. He could easily throw him out, or turn on that rage. Or any number of things. Finally, Michael put down his beer. "Lindsay's probably having sex with Barbara right now," he said bluntly. "It's part of our arrangement; she can have a girlfriend, but I'm the one she comes home to. And that's the way she feels about anything I might do: I can go out with anyone but I'm her husband." Gavin felt something incomprehensible rise in him, something that had edges of hope. "If you want something like that, yeah, we could make it work. You could still be my boi, add in some fucking. I've never tried anything like it on my end, and trust me, you’re the first guy I’d ever even think about fucking. But we could try."

"Do you... want that?" Gavin asked him, leaning in slightly. There was a possibility it wouldn't work. That it would ruin their friendship. That Lindsay wouldn't be as okay with it as she said she was.

All these thoughts crossed Michael's face as he ran a hand through his curls. "Do you?" he shot back.

Did he? Did he want to be his boi, both as mates and shagging? Did he want to test that arrangement? Gavin flicked his gaze down to Michael's lips, to the curve of them and how they parted slightly. How they rolled as he licked them as he realized it was now Gavin looking at them. He looked up at Michael's eyes, heart pushing a sharp beat of arousal at the intense look in them. As an answer, he put down his beer, and raised his hand in a fist, knuckles facing Michael as he nodded it in time with his head. _Yes._

Michael let out a breath. "Okay, wow. So. Um." A shaky laugh escaped him as he rubbed his lips. "So do you want to get to the fucking now, or do you want to just make out for a while?"

Gavin felt a wild chuckle rise to his throat. "How about we see where it goes?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good." Michael smiled at him, then lifted his hand to pull him close. The press of lips melted against each other, Gavin's hands coming up to stroke across Michael's arms. It wasn't a particularly deep kiss, but one where they tested back and forth, Michael pressing into Gavin and Gavin trying to set the pace. Gently, Gavin cupped Michael's face, letting out a breath against his lips as his fingers brushed curls. He could feel himself being pushed back into the couch, the kiss taken control of as Michael started to deepen it. Gavin broke it, turning his head as he panted, feeling overwhelmed. "Gav?"

"You're... really good at that," Gavin informed him breathlessly, shifting a little. Michael stilled, then one hand dropped down to his thigh, near his knee.

"Do you want this, Gavin?" Michael asked him in a low voice, making Gavin look at him. Those eyes were staring at him with that look, that one that he had fantasized about. Gavin shut his eyes, the idea of Michael stripping his trousers off and sucking him making his head spin even more. He had thought about this so much, and now he could have it. "You do, don't you? You've wanted this for a while."

"Michael..." Gavin put a hand on the one on his thigh. "Please." And he pulled that hand upward, pressing it between his legs.

That made Michael go still. "Oh wow. Um. Okay dude, we're going to... okay." He swallowed, nodding. "So-"

Gavin let Michael's hand go at the uncertain look settling on his features. "You don't want to?" he hazarded, trying to suss out how Michael was feeling about this. Was he going too far too soon? Was Michael realizing he really didn't want to do this with Gavin and it was a mistake?

"No, I definitely want to. I just- never had a dick in my hands that wasn't mine." Michael let out a breath, absently rubbing Gavin's thigh. "It's kind of hot how much you really want this," he confessed. "Never really thought before you'd be this fucking hot. You've always been awkward, annoying, goddamn how are you still alive Gavin." Michael cupped his face, lightly kissing him before mumbling against his mouth "When did you become sexy Gavin?"

That made him laugh a little, moving a hand to Michael's hip. Before he could respond, and knowing him, break the moment, Michael captured his lips again, shifting his weight so his knees pressed in on either side of Gavin, hands stroking his shoulders. The new position made him start to tip back, letting Michael's weight guide him down as his head swam. Even without any attention between his legs, Gavin felt like he was being filled by Michael's presence. Touch, smell, sound... He groaned as his back pressed into the couch, skating his hand up and down the line of Michael's torso.

Michael slowly ended the kiss, his own breath coming faster. "Shit, Gav," he said, sounding absolutely needy. "You call me good at this."

At another time, Gavin would chuckle at that. At a time he wasn’t so bloody turned on all he could think about was yanking Michael down for another kiss and writhing up against him. “Yeah,” he croaked, hooking a finger on one of Michael’s belt loops. “Michael, I-”

”I got you.” Carefully, Michael moved his legs between Gavin’s, shifting his hips to roll against his. Gavin groaned at the pressure and movement and- oh. Okay, that was Michael’s- He froze, the realization that he was up against a very erect Michael and this was happening seizing him. Gavin could feel a hand stroking his hair back roughly as Michael looked at him. “Hey. Dipshit. Everything okay?”

”Yeah. Everything’s top.” To prove it, Gavin shifted his hips, feeling that release of breath against his lips as Michael groaned. He needed that feeling, more of it. Knowing he was just about ready to have sex with someone with a knob- he could deal with that as long as they didn’t stop. “Keep going.”

Oh, that grin combined with that look could do things to him. “Then keep up and let me know,” Michael told him, rolling his hips down into Gavin’s. “I can’t hear you if you do those quiet little noises.”

Right. It had felt so good it had almost slipped his mind. Gavin nodded, licking his lips. “Michael, I- oh fuck-” The profanity slipped from his mouth, louder than he realized as Michael moved against him. He needed to touch before the feeling of cloth rubbing against him drove him crazy. Or he came in his pants. Gavin pulled on Michael’s belt loops, silently telling him to take those off already. One of his hands moved to the button on Michael’s jeans, tugging it free to punctuate his statement, and Michael just grinned at him. He kissed him again and knocked his hand away, moving to undo his jeans. Then his hand came forward and pressed into Gavin, making Michael break off the kiss. “Michael...”

”Gav, I swear, those breathy little noises are going to drive me fucking crazy,” Michael informed him, lifting up enough to look down Gavin’s body. “Okay. Look, just... we’re going to do this, right?” He looked up to see Gavin nod, and let out a breath. “How far?”

How far? Gavin looked at him for a moment, uncomprehending before it hit. Oh. “I... think our hands will be enough,” he said, nerves shaking his voice. He knew he couldn’t give a decent blowjob, not with that gag reflex, and it wouldn’t be fair if Michael sucked him off and he couldn’t do the same. And actual fucking- Gavin could feel his lower body clench at that, almost relishing and dreading the idea together. To punctuate that, he reached out and stroked the curve of Michael’s cock through his jeans.

Michael nodded, his eyes half closing as his hips canted into the touch. “Yeah, I can do that. Okay.” He sat back, and reached to take off his shirt. “Get naked.”

That he could do. Gavin wiggled to pull off his own shirt, then around to shove his trousers and boxers down without dislodging Michael. He could hear Michael’s clothes hitting the ground as he was pushed back down onto his back, stretched out as naked as could be. Michael sat back to take him in, eyes wide. “Is something-” Gavin started before Michael slapped a hand over his mouth.

”Don’t go fucking this up,” he told him seriously. “Dude.” He slowly removed his hand, letting it trail over Gavin’s face and down his chest. Gavin shivered as it combed through the hair there, then trailed lower. Fingers skated over his hip and thighs, then finally Michael sighed. “Just let me know how I’m doing,” he said before wrapping his hand around Gavin and oh. Yes. Gavin huffed out a breath, arching his back as the hand started to move. He let out a soft moan at first, then a louder one, feeling like a porn star as he forced himself to vocalize how he felt loud enough for Michael to hear.

”Faster,” Gavin finally managed, trying to make sure Michael could tell what he was saying. It worked, as his hand sped up and- a noise slipped out as Gavin’s head tilted back. He didn’t want to repeat that, couldn’t repeat it if he tried. His hips rocked with the strokes as he groaned, then he grabbed Michael’s free arm as he suddenly felt the tension in his belly break and he came. “Oh God, Michael.”

In return, Michael kissed him hard. “I didn’t think I’d be saying this about a dude, much less you, but you looked fucking hot like that,” he told him with heat, his hips brushing up against Gavin. “I wanted to spin you around right then and fuck you until you screamed.”

Gavin shuddered that idea, his hand convulsing on Michael’s arm. If there was a next time, maybe then. In the meantime... Gavin reached down, taking Michael into hand. He watched as Michael’s eyes closed while he stroked him, watched as Michael’s body spoke to him just as much as words would as he tried to listen. Finally, he came as well, and slowly lowered himself so he was resting against Gavin, left ear carefully next to his mouth. “That was...” Michael started breathlessly. 

”Top,” Gavin finished. “Absolutely top.”

”That.” Michael let out a breath, laughing. “Wow. Dude, that was not what I expected.”

It wasn’t. But it was a lot better than it could have been. Gavin rested his head back against the couch, keenly feeling that he needed to clean up, and so did Michael. And that he really didn’t feel like it yet. He didn’t really feel like thinking yet, about anything. It was just nice like this, before the real world came in.

Before he’d have to think about what he’d have to do next.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!

Even though Lindsay knew, even though they had an arrangement, Gavin felt uncomfortable staying once he put his clothes back on. Michael puttered around in the kitchen, looking for something as Gavin stared at his neglected beer. He could get out right now. He had a mobile, and the money for a cab. It wouldn't be hard, and he wouldn't have to deal with the awkwardness. Gavin let out a long breath, rolling his lower lips between his teeth. That would be rude, wouldn't it though? He looked up towards the kitchen, hearing Michael close the door to the pantry. He was getting something to eat, wasn't he? Well, he was hungry after- Gavin shook his head. No, he couldn't stay. Not with the possibility of Michael's wife coming home after shagging her own girlfriend and seeing them together...

He was almost to the door when it opened, Lindsay making her way in. "Oh." She smirked at him a little, setting her things aside. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Nah, you're too late for the show," Michael informed her from behind Gavin, a bag of crisps and two more beers in hand and his own smirk firmly planted on his lips. He walked over to her, giving her a little kiss. That one gesture... Gavin looked away. Even knowing that they had just been with other people, Michael and Lindsay were both still able to show that much love to each other. He didn't want to ruin that, not at all. "Hey, dumbass, what's up?"

Gavin stood there for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck. "I uh... It's been a long day and..." He fumbled for the words, trying to figure it out before giving up and just lifting his fingers to his cheek. _Home?_

Michael raised an eyebrow at that, looking over at Lindsay. She signed something quickly at him, too fast for Gavin to make out, that made Michael roll his eyes. He made a gesture with his hand, the beer bottles clinking with the expressive motion. "Really?" Lindsay asked aloud, lifting one eyebrow. "Fine. C'mon, Gavin. Get your shit and I can take you home." She gave her husband a dirty look as she got her stuff back together, waiting for Gavin to get ready. It didn't take long, putting on his shoes and making sure he had his keys and wallet, and he was on his way. The look Lindsay gave Michael on the way out, however, said as much as words, both verbal and with her hands, would say.

From there, everything was quiet. Lindsay didn't try to talk to him on the way to the car, or on the way out to his house. It made him uneasy. Lindsay wasn't happy about something, and it was possible it was about him. What if-

"We're here. You can stop dancing in your seat now," came Lindsay's amused voice. "Shit, Gavin, you'd think I was going to eat you or something."

That made him squirm more. She would. "I didn't-"

"Gavin." Lindsay's face was now sober. "Do you have a problem with this? This whole thing, you fucking Michael and me knowing about it?"

"Wouldn't any sane person be a little uneasy?" he asked, raising his hands. "Just- how can you be so calm about this? Your husband is shagging someone else- his best _male_ mate at that! I know you two have an agreement, and you're with Barbara, but- how can you be so calm like this?"

Lindsay took a deep breath, her fingers drumming on the steering wheel. "Because I'm trying to be," she finally said. "I'd be a fucking hypocrite if I threw a fit about it. And, I told you. I thought you two were fucking before Michael asked me out. I don't love him any less for this, and you sound like you don't want to break us up. Though," a hint of annoyance slipped into her tone here, "if Michael keeps being an ass about this, I might have some words to say about it."

That made Gavin blink. "What?"

"Nothing. Look, it's really weird now, but it'll get better. Okay?" She shot a look over at him, obviously trying to be reassuring. "We worked it out with Barbara and I, and we can do it with you and Michael."

"I-" Gavin rubbed his knees, nodding. "Yeah."

"Cool. See you at work."

* * *

Except it wasn't that easy. Gavin's fingers absently worked as he edited, his mind racing. Every time he saw Michael, he saw that kiss he gave Lindsay. That sweet, calm, affectionate kiss. Something about it made him uncomfortable, except he couldn't figure out what it was. He sat back, tilting his chair back as he pulled his feet into the seat. They were going to work something out, yes, but- there was something about it. Something that wasn't going to work.

"Yo, dude." Michael leaned on his desk, crossing his arms. "So. You okay?"

"I'm top." It didn't come out as assuring as he wanted it to be.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Michael rubbed the back of his head, looking away. "Look, uh... you want to come over for dinner? I mean, it's nothing much but you're probably tired of eating like mac and cheese out of the box or something."

"What? I eat better than that!" Gavin squawked, making Michael smirk.

"Whatever. So, you in?"

Was he? He wanted to go, the idea of what would come after starting to tease him, but- "Is Lindsay going to be there, or uh..."

Michael looked at him for a moment, then shook his head. "Oh, no. Nah, she actually needs to work late today."

So she wasn't going out with Barbara. Which meant she might be home early and- Was there really a place for him once Lindsay came home? Gavin shied away from that thought, not wanting to examine it closely while at work. He raised a hand, ready to sign it to him when Michael hissed at him, looking around, "What the fuck are you doing, you fucking dumb shit?" He grabbed Gavin's wrist tightly, glaring at him. "You know no one knows about that, and you know I don't want anyone to know about it. So don't you fucking sign at me while we're at work."

"I'm sorry." Was it normal for a tight grip that almost hurt to be erotic like that? "I was just going to say, I need to stay late too. Next time?"

Michael looked at him, and it took everything for Gavin not to stand and pull Michael in for a kiss. He wanted to take it back, to say maybe he could put it off, that the videos weren't due for a while, but his wrist was released as Michael took a step back. "Fine," came the flat response. "You actually manage to get out early and still want to come over, let me know." His finger flicked Gavin's forehead before he turned, leaving Gavin alone with his thoughts.

More specifically, that one nagging thought. If Lindsay came home, did he have a spot anymore? Did he have a reason to be there anymore? Gavin rubbed his face, trying not to think about that as he went back to his editing.


	9. Chapter 9

If Gavin worked any slower, it'd look like that one time he had tried to get on Geoff's nerves when he told him to shut up and get his work done, now. As it was, he didn't have anyone to mess with, so he had to at least make it appear he wasn't trying to troll someone. Once Michael went home, he could work at his normal speed and get whatever was left done within half an hour. Until then...

The hairs on the back of his neck started to twitch. Stay still, they said. She can smell fear. Gavin tried not to breathe too loudly as he heard Lindsay come up right behind him, not wanting to talk to her because he knew she would see right through his pathetic excuse and he did not want that conversation. He wasn't exploring that line of thought right now, and he wouldn't until he got home with a few bevs. Without thinking about it, his hand sped up its work, trying to look too busy to talk or even come up with his usual pranks. Which meant super busy. Can't talk about relationships right now. Her footsteps sounded towards the opposite direction, and he relaxed. Lindsay was a wonderful woman, beautiful woman, but a _scary_ woman.

Which meant now he had to continue that pace so he looked busy to everyone else. Which meant he would be done before 5:00. Gavin bit down on a frustrated noise as he stared at his screen, wishing his excuse would have worked. Now Michael would have him over again, and while it would be a very lovely shag (and he found himself shifting in his seat at the idea), when Lindsay came home he would have that thought again and everything would be ruined. How did Barbara deal with this? Gavin pursed his lips, thinking about this. Actually, that was a good question. Maybe he should ask it of her. They could make their own team. Side Shags? Maybe he should ask her what to name them, he decided as he worked. It wasn't a bad idea. Of course, bringing up that he knew she and Lindsay had a thing...

"Hey." That was Lindsay. Gavin winced, turning to meet her. Either it didn't fool her or she didn't care. "Gavin, what the hell are you doing?"

"Working." Stick with the easy answer. The obvious one.

"Yeah, that's my point. You're _working._ Not trying to climb one of us like a tree or putting balloons in places they shouldn't be or filming at weird angles." Lindsay let out a frustrated breath, pushing a hand into her hair. She opened her mouth a few times, trying to say something but thinking differently of it. "We need to talk," she said finally. "Since you won't fucking talk to Michael. You don't need to come home, we can do this here-"

"N-no!" Not here, not where someone could walk in and hear them talk about their sex lives.

Lindsay just looked at him. "Only other place I can think of is yours. Work with me here, asshole."

Here or at his house. Gavin turned away, puffing his cheeks out. Not much of a choice. "Home," he finally said grudgingly. "I'm not going to let anyone walk in on this, yeah?"

"Yeah," she echoed. "Give me a minute to wrap up."

* * *

Lindsay didn't sit like her husband did. She sat back on the couch, one arm resting over her stomach as she took a sip of her beer. Her eyes stayed on him, steady as she lowered her bottle. "So. Are you going to start talking, or do I need to start throwing out random assumptions?"

That made Gavin hunch over, toying with his beer bottle. "What do you want to talk about?"

"How about you start with why you won't talk to Michael? Was the sex really that bad?"

Gavin set down his beer quickly as he choked, then fumbled as it foamed over. "No! I mean, it- You're a lucky woman, Lindsay."

"Thank you. Not an answer."

"I-" Gavin rubbed his face, trying to phrase it right. Trying to come up with the words and not in a way that would hurt the beautiful woman in front of him. "It was- really, a lovely shag, and the thought of doing it again is really nice. But-"

She inclined her head as understanding crossed it. "It's me. Gavin, I'm not upset about it. I mean it."

He waved his hands. "No, not that! It's just- you're a lovely woman. And you're his wife, and he loves you a lot. And where you are, he looks at you as if you're his world and nothing else exists. And." Gavin watched her face go blank as he rubbed his knees. "And. I'm his boi, right?"

"But what it make you when you're fucking him?" she asked, finally leaning forward. "You're still his boi, you know."

"I know." Gavin didn't look at her.

Her hand on his wrist made him jump. "You're not between us, Gavin. Come here." Gently, Lindsay reached up, guiding him into a hug. "Moron. Look, what is it that you're really afraid of? In English and not Gavin, okay?" She brushed his hair back a little, her fingers slightly cool from the beer bottle and soothing. Gavin found himself relaxing into her touch, half closing his eyes.

"He really loves you," he mumbled against her.

"I know." Her fingers tried to make order of his hair as he fought for words, making his eyes close slightly. Gavin nuzzled into her a little before her hand stopped. "Is that the problem?"

"No." Then he shook his head, not wanting to leave it there. "Maybe? I don't love him." The words came easily, truthfully. He didn't, not... the way Lindsay did. But didn't he love him, as his boi? "Or... maybe I do, but not- but when you're there, what am I?"

A soft intake of breath was his answer. "Oh. Gavin." Lindsay fell silent, just stroking his hair. "You're not left out when I'm there. Just like I'm not when you and Michael are together. Everything will be okay. We'll figure something out." She held him like that for a while, fingers combing his hair as he tried to answer that, tried to deny, tried to come up with anything.


	10. Chapter 10

Weekends. Wonderful, magical times filled with fun, bevs, and friends. And with the way Michael was looking at him, Gavin rolled his lip under his teeth at what could happen. What he wanted... a soft groan rose to his lips, tightly held behind them at the memory of Michael over him, his hand wrapped around him and the thought of Michael _inside_ him... Gavin shook his head, trying to clear it. Not yet the weekend. There was still half an hour.

Speaking with Lindsay had been... eyeopening, to say the least. Michael was too lucky to have such a beautiful woman. Especially one that wanted to make this whole thing work. Gavin's eyes slipped back over to Michael, and he let out a breath at the scowl the other man wore as he focused on his editing. He just wanted to grab him- but not in the office. Not around the others. But he could- He grinned at the thought, and got up to drop his chin onto the top of Michael's head, just letting his arms dangle by his sides.

"What the-? What the fuck are you doing, Gav?" Michael tried to turn his head up to look at him, failing as Gavin just kept his chin at the same point. "Seriously, why do I have a Gavin hat now?"

"You looked like you needed a hat," he informed him, resting a little more of his weight on Michael's head. This was nice, being able to touch Michael like this without anyone being surprised. And he could still work like this, so it wasn't like he was completely getting on Michael's tits. "Doing anything this weekend?" he asked casually, leaning forward a little.

Michael tilted his head a little, putting his left ear up Gavin noticed. "Not doing anything tonight," he pointed out. "Why, you want to get together?"

He did. He wanted to get together, to be with his boi and talk and then try to make the boi with shagging work. Gavin wanted so badly to prove Lindsay right, and make everything work. But so soon- could he really do this so soon? Gavin made a point of turning his head back and forth as he thought, trying to figure it all out. Was Lindsay going to be there? "What you got planned?" he asked instead, stalling for time.

Gavin could feel Michael shrug under him. "Pizza. Games. We picked up some of this coconut tequila shit. Sound good?"

It didn't sound _bad_. The alcohol could definitely work out. "Lindsay going to be there?"

Another shrug. "She has plans with Barbara."

Translation: Lindsay was going out with her girlfriend. Gavin took a breath, thinking about it. She might be home later, and he would have to deal with that. The way she made Michael's face light up, the way he didn't know how to act now- "Yeah," he replied casually, making the decision without thinking. "Sounds top."

If he knew what he was doing...

* * *

The tequila buzz rippled through him as he leaned back, bubbling up much like the Fresca mixed in and loosening his limbs. It made Gavin relaxed enough to look over at Michael, smiling at him. "What's that dumbass look for?" the other man laughed, picking up another slice of pizza. "You are nowhere near that drunk yet."

"Nah," Gavin said softly, then cleared his throat when Michael gave him an irritated look. "I mean, no," he told him a little louder, trying to be heard. "Just- been a while, yeah? Kind of missed this, the pizza/bevs combo."

Michael snorted at that, his mouth full. "Your fault," he said around the pizza. A quick swallow later, and Michael put down his slice, looking at him critically. His gaze kept flicking down to his lips, making Gavin want to squirm at the heat coming through. "What the fuck was that all about, anyway? We have sex once, and then you start avoiding the shit out of me. Seriously, what is your problem? I know that was both of our first times fucking dudes, but it's not like it was that bad."

That earned him a shake of Gavin's head. "No, no! That was top."

"Then what the fuck was it?" Michael leaned forward, his eyes intense. Gavin looked away, breathing a little heavier. "Hey. Don't look away from me. Answer the question, Gavino."

"It's..." Gavin made a gesture, trying to express his feeling in the expression. "It's not... Bollocks. I'm your boi, right?"

"Right," came the slow answer. "Did you think that changed?"

Gavin ran a hand through his hair, letting out an annoyed breath. He didn't know how to phrase this, not at all. "It's like things are like a whole new thing, but I'm not sure what that thing is and what it really all is."

Michael let out a short, disbelieving laugh. "I'm not following. What, did something happen that made you not want to fuck me anymore?"

A shrug, and Gavin reached for his drink again. "I still want to shag you. Just... Lindsay really loves you."

"You're not getting between us," Michael pointed out. "Is that what you're afraid of?"

"No, but- I'm your boi, and when it's just us I'm your boi, yeah? And she's your wife, and when it's just her she's your wife. But when she's here she's your wife and I'm your boi and-"

Michael grabbed his face, kissing him roughly. "Goddamn, you're an idiot," he breathed. "Is that it, you're afraid you're not my boi when she's around?"

"I don't know what's going on now," he told him miserably, setting his drink back down. "I knew what it was when you and I weren't shagging. I knew what I was to you, to Lindsay. But now everything's different, and you two love each other so much and I don't know what's going on anymore now that we're going to also do this."

Gavin felt Michael aggressively press his forehead forward. "How about this, Gav," he told him in low tones. "How about you be my boi, and we make this work? Goddamn it, Gavin, I can be your boi and be her husband at the same time. Things like this work." His hand stroked down Gavin's neck, trailing across his shoulder before squeezing it. "And if you don't want to fuck me anymore because it makes this too complicated, let me fucking _know_ , okay? I want to make this work but if you want to go back to how it was, I need to fucking know so I don't think you're suddenly a bigger dick than usual and ignoring me."

"I-" Sod it. Gavin kissed him, his hands coming up to dig into his curls. "I couldn't stop thinking of doing that," he informed him, making sure he spoke towards his left ear. "I couldn't stop thinking about you grabbing me and pinning me against the couch, or throwing me up against the wall with your fingers up my arse."

"You filthy little bitch." The smirk on Michael's lips came through in his voice. "So even though you were freaking out about your place in our new relationship now that we're fucking, you still thought about what I'd be like in bed. You still thought about something like-" His hands seized Gavin's wrists as he threw his weight forward, taking Gavin off guard and toppling him onto his back with his arms pinned. "-this, at my mercy." He quirked his lips, his eyes roaming over Gavin's face before studying how Gavin's mouth parted at the feeling of Michael on top of him, his breaths coming heavier. "Goddamn, you're a kinky fucking bastard."

"Michael..." came the whine, Gavin's hips shifting under the weight. He wanted it so badly, had wanted it despite his own inner turmoil.

One hand released his wrist as Michael cupped his face, eyes now steady on Gavin's. "Are you sure you want this?" he asked, his voice completely serious. "Lindsay's supposed to come home tonight, and I don't want you freaking out again not sure what your place is when she's here."

That made him pause. She would be home, and he still didn't know how everything was supposed to work- "Maybe not tonight," he finally said weakly, shifting his hips slightly. Damn it all, but he was still turned on. "Michael, how did you make it work with Barbara?"

Michael blinked at the words, and slowly let him go to sit back. "Barb? Lindsay had a crush on her, and she's pretty happy keeping it Girl's Nights Out That End In Fucking. I don't know how Barb feels about Lindsay, but I don't think there's really anything going on there other than Lindsay wanting to get out every once and a while and also fuck a girl she thinks is hot." He shrugged a little at his words.

"Oh." Nothing like what they had. Gavin slowly sat up, rubbing his thighs. "That's not- nothing like what's going on here."

"Nope." Michael smirked sardonically at him, moving to sit more comfortably on the couch. "But doesn't mean we can't try this anyway. Just don't run the fuck away this time."

"I'll try not to." The whispered words wouldn't be heard, Gavin knew it, but he couldn't bring himself to say it loud enough for Michael to hear it.


	11. Chapter 11

It felt like avoiding Lindsay to do this. And that just made it filthy, in the non-sexy way. As if they were going behind her back, cheating on her. Gavin took a deep breath, tilting his head back. He liked Michael. A lot. Their friendship meant a lot, and the fire that scorched through his veins at the intense way he read his lips, putting the motion to the words heard by only one ear, still hadn't burned out. But Lindsay...

He could hear the Joneses getting ready to leave. Before, Gavin would have gotten with Meg, headed home with her. The thought still gripped his heart in a sharp pang, not yet soothed by the fact he could have Michael. He closed his eyes, thinking about how long it would take to call a cab and if he didn't just want Geoff to drive him home instead. Or maybe he would go over to the Ramsey's. He did miss having dinner with Griffin and Millie.

A shuffle next to him broke his thoughts, and he lifted his head up as he looked over. Lindsay stood there, shouldering her bag. "Hey," she said quietly. "So, you have a ride or something?"

What was she doing? Gavin's eyes darted nervously around the office, wanting to raise his hands and sign a question at her, knowing full well that a well known anger would be directed at him if he did. Michael was still finishing up, Ray was getting things ready and still waiting on Tina, where was Geoff...?"

"Just need to talk to you about some videos," Lindsay finally added. "Some ideas I want to bring to Geoff and I want to see what you think."

Oh. Gavin nodded, moving to grab his own things. Though, why wouldn't she have taken this to her- oh. The actual reason hit him suddenly, making him pause as he stood. He looked over at Lindsay, watching as her lips quirked humorlessly in acknowledgement. "Actually, I-" Gavin started, one foot moving to take a step back. He may need to have a talk with her, especially since he did want to have this whole thing continue with Michael, but he couldn't. Not now.

"Good," she interrupted, taking the decision from him. "Come on, time to go." Her hand shot out and snagged his sleeve, forcibly dragging him away as Ray's head turned towards them in confusion. Michael followed behind, blocking him from escaping. That fact made Gavin's steps heavier, knowing Michael was likely also following her lead. He didn't need to talk to them right at the moment, did he? It could wait for a while. As he sat down into the backseat and looked up at Lindsay, at the way her shoulders were set as she slipped into her seat and buckled in, he wasn't quite sure if it could.

Michael started the car and looked up into the mirror at Gavin. "Hey. Don't look like we're about to eat you or something. Calm the fuck down."

"Well excuse me for being nervous!" Gavin rubbed his knees, glancing away as Michael pulled out of the lot. "Little sudden to grab me like this, innit?"

"Sudden? Dude, you seriously had no ride home and cabs get expensive after a while." Michael's line of thought cut off, another rising quickly. "You fucking asshole! Oh, now you use your blinker."

While her husband was busy with the familiar scene of commenting colorfully on Austin's traffic, Lindsay twisted in her seat to look at Gavin. "You're welcome over any time," she told him quietly. Michael wouldn't be able to hear it, not with his right ear pointed to her and the way he was engaged in his own rage. "Even if I'm there. I'd... I'd like it if you came over while I was there."

The hitch in her words made Gavin blink. That wasn't what he expected to hear. Not the talk he expected she wanted to have. She said her words in a tone low enough to be private between them, and she sounded... Gavin didn't know how she sounded. "Lindsay..." he started, trailing off when he didn't know how to follow it up. Instead, he shrugged, rubbing his nose. "I really don't- Wouldn't that be weird?"

She paused, her eyes flicking up as she thought. "Maybe," she admitted. "Just... think about it, okay?"

"Hey, you two." Gavin's head snapped up to meet Michael's eyes in the mirror. "Think you have room to make this a threesome?"

Lindsay snorted at that, settling back in her seat. "I did say I had some ideas I wanted to run by Geoff that I wanted some opinions on. So..."

* * *

Michael's hands pinned his wrists to the bed as he pulled back, making Gavin whine as the kiss ended. He had wanted this so much, and Lindsay was out. Lindsay wouldn't be home, and it wouldn't be weird. He could do this, have what he wanted so badly. Michael grinned down at him as Gavin licked his lips and shifted his lower body, lowering his hips down to meet Gavin's. "Better than your own hand, huh?"

"Michael..." Gavin's head shifted to bare his throat, breath coming faster. So much better than his own hand. Lips attacked his neck, making him gasp and strain against Michael's grip. It made his head swim, Michael taking control like this and searching out the spots that made him groan. Gavin shifted, trying to guide Michael down when teeth scraped against his skin. The brief bit of pain made his mind blank for a moment, and Michael took advantage of that by freeing one hand and lifting his shirt up. That hand flattened against his stomach, an anchoring warmth as Gavin tangled his free hand into Michael's curls. Christ, he wanted- he _wanted._ Meg had been good at making him want like this too. He wanted to taste every bit of Michael, memorize it and add it next to the memory of Meg. He wanted Michael to pin him and take him in hand-

Which he did not do. No, he pulled back and popped the button on Gavin's jeans, shifting his weight to pull them down enough to bare his groin. Michael's eyes lifted up to Gavin's, unsure. A small laugh escaped his lips as he rubbed his lips, the dominance he had been showing now switched out with a man about in over his head. "So, uh. Don't make me choke, asshole." With those words, he leaned down and wrapped his lips around Gavin. A sharp gasp escaped him as Michael's tongue ran across the head, looking for what made those sounds continue. He couldn't help himself; his hips jerked up, making Michael grab him and hold him down. The hands on his hips were perfect, the lips on him were perfect, everything- Gavin's hands convulsed on the bed, his head to one side as Michael's lips and tongue worked on him. One of Michael's hands tightened slightly, just on the edge of pain, and Gavin had to pull on Michael's hair. "I'm-" he said breathlessly, then forcing it a little louder as Michael didn't stop, "I'm about-"

Michael pulled back at that, replacing his mouth with his hand. A few strokes was all it took before it broke and he was coming, breath stopping in his throat for a moment as it washed over him. "Damn, you're easy," he said, amused as Gavin glared at him. Yes, it had been a very simple blowjob, but it was what he had needed, with the intensity he desired. "So."

The weighted word made him look down at Michael in confusion. "So?"

A sharp grin had crossed his face. "Think your gag reflex could allow you to do the same?"

Gavin just gaped at him for a moment, trying to think for a moment. Could he? More importantly, did he want to? As he thought about it, Michael moved to wipe off Gavin and his hand. He could give him a good wank, and he knew he would gag as soon as Michael's knob went too deep in his mouth. And he knew it wouldn't take too much to be too deep. He could at least try, though. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as he thought. Gavin shifted to sit up, then blinked as he heard the front door slam. That had to be Lindsay, but strangely his first thought was the neighbors would be angry at her making noise like that...

Michael bolted up as soon as he heard it, eyes wide. "What the-" He moved off the bed cautiously, looking out the door, then throwing it open as his posture changed. "Lindsay, what the hell happened?"

Gavin pulled up his jeans, settled everything, and followed. And blinked at the sight of Michael kneeling before a Lindsay that was pretending she hadn't been crying.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you noticed, I updated the pairing tags. Yeah, that blindsided me too.

Lindsay.

Had been crying.

She wasn't now. Lindsay was sitting on the couch, waving a hand at Michael and laughing as if her skin wasn't blochy and her eyes weren't red. Gavin swallowed as she wiped her nose, a fake smile still plastered on her lips. "I'm fine. Geez. You can stop worrying about me, dumbass."

Michael snorted at that, his hands coming up to sign something at her, his motions sharp and fast. Too fast, making Gavin blink as he wasn't sure what he saw. Lindsay shook her head at that, waving her hand dismissively. Before she could say anything herself, Michael made a sign Gavin had never seen before, something he couldn't even try to figure out what it was. He saw the B, other than that... nothing. Lindsay took a deep breath at that, making Michael's shoulders go rigid. "Hey, don't," she finally said aloud, hand on his shoulder. She took another breath, looking up to gather herself, then started. "Whoa, Gavin, when did you get there?"

He shuffled a little in the doorway, not yet leaving the bedroom. "Well. You know." Gavin tried to find the next words, tried to follow that up. He just saw something, close to why Lindsay had been crying. But... Michael had asked in sign language. He kept it private between them, using super special married couple signs that only they knew. It was obvious; Gavin was just a third wheel here. Not needed. "I uh. I'll leave you two to it. Should get home anyway."

Michael turned to look at him, his expression unreadable. He was waiting for Gavin to leave, wasn't he. It wasn't like Gavin was anything more than his boi. Lindsay was his wife, as he had said before. She came first. "You sure?" he finally said, not moving yet.

"Yeah." Gavin patted down his pockets, then went back into the bedroom to collect his wallet and phone. "S'okay, I can get a cab. I... See you at work?"

"Yeah, sure." Lindsay nodded a bit, closing her eyes in a long blink. "Hey, Gavin?"

He paused, looking at her. Lindsay looked so uncertain, so unlike herself. Normally, this was a woman that took life by the horns and walked with her head high. Now... Gavin almost took a step towards her, almost joined Michael. She should never have that expression on her face. "Yeah?"

After a moment, she shook her head. "Nevermind. See you at work."

And that was that. No more boi time, all married time. Gavin unlocked his phone as he left, numbly starting to call for a cab as he closed the door behind him.

* * *

Work life started to be weird after that. Everything from the Joneses seemed to be normal as Lindsay bounced back quickly, smiling and laughing and taking salty words from people and shoving it back up their asses. But something was _wrong_. Gavin just knew it. He knew it in the way Michael didn't ask him over yesterday, how Lindsay was sitting alone in the kitchen at lunch, how Lindsay lost her VS. Gavin stood up as his video started rendering, stretching. The easiest way to find out what would be to ask them, but they just... like Michael had said, Lindsay came home to him. She didn't come home to Gavin.

But what she did have were friends. She might have talked to Kara about this. Or Meg. Or even her girlfriend. And Gavin could drag Barbara aside for a quick chat, no problem. Or Meg, which would be easier. She would be going to makeup for The Patch right about now.

The thought made him pause. He hadn't talked to Meg in person since... and now he was going to go ask her a question about his boi's wife that he really wanted to know what was wrong for some reason? But he found himself walking towards the set, nodding to Ryan. Just a quick chat, and then he'd get back to work. That was all. Gavin's feet stopped as he saw Meg putting her glasses back on, her hands stopping briefly as she caught sight of him. "Hey. Gav."

"Meg." Wow, this was awkward. "How have you been?"

She shrugged. "Could be worse. I've been staying busy. You?"

"Same." Geez. He just needed to ask her. "I uh... actually wanted to ask you a question." He raked a hand through his hair, as he tried to form it, letting out a breath. Why was it so hard to talk to her? "Have you talked to Lindsay lately?"

At that, Meg's eyebrows rose. "Lindsay? Yeah, of course."

"Is something, uh... did she tell you anything that might be wrong?" Gavin winced as Meg looked at him incredulously. "Not between her and Michael! I mean, something that would be upsetting her."

That made Meg think, her eyes tilting up as she tried to recall any events. "Nope, nothing comes to mind. She's been pretty normal Lindsay lately. Why, has she been weird when you three get together?"

Gavin shook his head at that. "No, just... just wondering." He rubbed his hands against his thighs as the words died between them, groping for anything else to say. "Meg, I-"

"Me too." She smiled at him a little. "I mean, I miss you too."

He laughed, the same smile crossing his lips. "We never did hang out as friends like we said we would. We should do that. Tonight, get a group together, get bevved up?"

"Ooh, not tonight." Meg winced, her smile fading. "I have to leave right after the wrap-up for The Patch to catch a flight. Maybe in a few weeks?"

Right. The reason they had broken up. Gavin's smile faltered at that as he nodded. "Sure. We'll plan for it then. I- yeah, I should see if my video's actually doing what it should."

"And come up with something terrible to do while it does?" The smile came back at her question. "Gav, I miss you, but you are such a piece of shit."

"I think that's why you miss me, Turney," he chuckled, opening his arms as she came in for a hug.

* * *

Barbara turned out to be the worst person to find. She was recording, no she was taking care of something for an event, no she was actually- Gavin looked over at the clock, letting out a breath. He had texted her about a dozen times, asking if she could talk, and she kept saying give her a minute and then following up with that she had to do something but in twenty minutes she swears. Right now, though, if he was lucky, he might be able to catch her before she left. A few mouse clicks saved his work, and Gavin slipped out of the office to try and find the elusive Barbara.

Which was still difficult. Why couldn't it be Monday? The two of them could have been on the podcast together, and he could have asked her right before, or right after. It would work out perfectly. But no, he had to track her down now, on a day she was incredibly busy.

Finally, he found her, talking with someone. He couldn't quite make out who it was, but he (and he was definitely a he) made her laugh for a moment before leaning in to kiss her briefly and leaving. Leaving Barbara alone with a silly, in love smile on her face, and Gavin found that his hands hurt because he was gripping them into fists too tightly.

That. That was it.

Gavin turned away, his breath coming hard against his chest. He didn't know exactly what the terms of the relationship had been, but he was pretty certain that Barbara didn't have an arrangement like Lindsay and Michael did. Only question ended up being was Lindsay let down softly, or did he have to get really angry with Barbara about keeping things from her girlfriend?

Barbara. Christ. He would have never guessed that.

"Hey, Gavin, we're going to start recording soon and- what's wrong?" Lindsay stopped in front of him, frowning. "What the hell made you so pissed off?"

How would he say this without anyone else knowing? The only thing he could think of would make Michael angry, but... Gavin looked down at his hands, making Lindsay's eyes follow in curiosity as he slowly spelled out Barbara's name with his fingers. "That was why you were in a right tizzy when I was over, wasn't it," he said quietly as she went still.

"Not here," she whispered. "Just... get your ass to recording. We can talk about it later."

* * *

"Later" ended up being the weekend. They had just been that busy, to the point that both Michael and Gavin had to work on Saturday. But Gavin had managed to get out early, and looked down at his mobile as his thumb hovered over calling a cab. Lindsay didn't have to come in today, so she would be home with her own car, and they could talk now... Gavin squirmed a bit at the idea. Could he really do that? Could he really call or text her and be like "hey, you want to talk now?"

As he hesitated, his phone buzzed and a notification rolled down at the top of the screen. A text message, from Lindsay herself. He tapped on it, and started gnawing on his lower lip at the message.

_If you get done before Michael, I can drive you home._

Well. Guess that answered that. All he had to do was answer that instead of initiate it, and they could have their talk. Gavin swallowed, his thumb hesitating before he quickly tapped out an answer, saying he was finished and could use a ride. There, and with minimum thought as to what he was doing. But what was he doing? Why did he care so much about what happened to Lindsay? She didn't deserve to be cheated on, or dumped, or whatever had happened. She didn't deserve that look on her face, she deserved to be happy-

When did he care so much for her? Gavin shook his head as he started swiping through his phone as he waited. Not surprising he would start to care for her; Lindsay was amazing. And she was the amazing wife of his boi. But why had he started to care so much about her? About her wellbeing, her happiness? Gavin just stared at his phone for a moment as he thought, trying to figure it out. She had basically bullied him into admitting his feelings, she had been there with a warm hug and beer when they talked about his place in all of this... But what was his place? It kept changing on him.

He jumped when he saw Lindsay arrive. He had been so lost in his own thoughts that the sudden movement took him by surprise. But he tried not to show it as he got in and buckled up, tried to look as cool and calm as ever. "Thanks, Lindsay."

"No problems, Jumpy." Yeah, she noticed. "Still afraid I'm going to eat you?"

"You just took me by surprise is all," Gavin insisted. "And, well... you wanted to talk, yeah? That's why you sent me that text?"

Lindsay just drove for a bit, taking slow breaths. "I don't know why I feel it matters to tell you," she admitted. "But I feel like you really need to know. Yes, you're right. It's Barb. She broke up with me that night." Her voice strained at the last words, and Gavin looked over at her hands tightening on the wheel. "It shouldn't hurt. I mean, we all agreed it was just friends with benefits. But... it wasn't always benefits when I went over there. Sometimes we just watched stupid movies and made fun of them and cuddled and it was... nice. Then she said she got a boyfriend and she-" Lindsay broke off, swallowing as Gavin saw tears forming in her eyes. "I guess we weren't on the same page. She wanted to go back to just being friends. And it didn't seem like it bothered her at all."

It was the last sentence that made Gavin look back at the road, anger piercing him as she drove. That Barbara broke up with Lindsay was enough, but that it didn't bother her, and the fact it didn't making Lindsay sound like that... "I'm sorry," he finally said.

She glanced over at him briefly. "Don't worry about it," Lindsay told him, voice still tight. "It's... it's over with. It's done."

For a moment, Gavin wondered what that would mean for him and Michael, if that meant Lindsay would insist they stop since she stopped- but he ended that thought there. She wasn't that petty. "I take it Michael's right pissed," he said instead, making her laugh.

"You have no idea." Lindsay sighed, tapping a finger against the wheel. "Gavin, I-" She broke off, frowning. "Goddamn it, Austin. Stop sucking with your traffic."

Gavin rubbed his knees for a moment, looking at the bumper of the car in front of them. "Michael," he finally blurted out. "Is he- I mean, are we-" She wouldn't be, but he just had to know.

"Full sentences, Gavin."

"This... thing. Are we, you know... bois or just bois?"

"I think it's sad that I know what you're talking about." Lindsay took a moment they were stopped to look over at him, thoughtful. "I don't know. What do you want to be?"

"Just..." His hands came up helplessly. "I don't know where everything is now."

Lindsay eased off the brakes as traffic started to move, silent for a moment. "I don't either," she confessed.

"Great," he muttered, sinking down a little bit. Neither of them knew. And it was very possible... very, very possible his place wasn't between Michael and Lindsay anymore.


	13. Chapter 13

For all he had been thinking about the podcast, after hearing the situation from Lindsay, it ended up being very awkward being on the couch next to Barbara. Gavin didn't want to make it obvious to their fans that he was rather angry at her, but he knew it was leaking out at the looks Burnie would give him during the advertisement readings and Barbara's pokes and wounded looks. They played nice while the cameras were on them, putting on a good face for their audience, but as soon as the cameras turned off, Barbara turned to him, one elbow thrown over the back of the couch. "So did I do something when I wasn't looking?" she asked, playing with a lock of her hair. "You've been acting freakishly pissed at me for no reason."

Gavin shot a nervous look at Burnie, listening behind him for Gus. "It's... just something," he told her lamely, making her tilt her head away from her hand.

"Yeah, like that explains everything. Come on, what did I do?"

A quick look around made it obvious that even if Burnie and Gus left, there were still too many ears. "It's not-"

Barbara looked around as well, hair falling from her fingers. "Yeah, too many assholes listening in on private lives," she called, earning her no few middle fingers. "Come on, there should be a room free or something we can talk."

And now he had to have this talk. Gavin let out a burp as he set his empty beer bottle down, letting the alcohol bubbling through his system make it easier to follow her off the stage and out to an empty office. When Barbara closed the door, turning to him with an expectant look, he rubbed his face. How did he say this without letting her know that he knew about the arrangement? Because then he would have to explain how he knew about it, and he wasn't sure he wanted anyone else to know about him and Michael. It wouldn't surprise anyone, not if what Lindsay told him was how everyone saw their relationship, but he still didn't want to get it out. He looked over at her, watching impatience cross her features. "Lindsay," he finally said, not really sure if that was the right start.

"Yeah, what about her? Do you know why she's been acting like such a freak too?" Worry settled into her face at the words.

"She..." Gavin took a deep breath. Best rip it off like a plaster. "She told me. And how you reacted to it."

Barbara just looked at him blankly. "You're making less sense than usual."

"The... thing. And how you... ended it." Understanding slammed onto her face as he nodded. "And how you reacted to it. I cannot believe that-"

"Back up." She held up a hand, starting to look angry. "How the hell did you find out? And why the fuck are you so pissed off about it? We agreed on it; when I got a boyfriend, we'd end it and just be regular friends. That's how it is, and we both knew it."

"But it seemed more like dating!" Gavin ignored the first question as he continued on. "You two wouldn't always shag when you went out, yeah? And if Lindsay wasn't eating with Michael, she was eating lunch with you. You two were close, and then you stopped it. And it didn't even bother you?"

Barbara blinked, taken aback. "It wasn't- they weren't dates. I mean, Lindsay. Michael's territory. We're friends. And that's- Lindsay knew that, right?" Her voice turned uncertain as it started to hit her. "She knew... it was just a fling, right?"

"I don't know." Gavin rubbed his forehead, trying to think about it. She had been so upset, but she had known what would have happened. She seemed more upset about how Barbara had reacted, though-

"I'll talk to her," Barbara interrupted his thoughts. "I didn't know that was what she was so up in arms about." She paused for a moment, eyeing Gavin. "Michael knows you're fucking his wife, right?"

_"WHAT?!"_ The squawk came out louder than he wanted. He wasn't shagging Lindsay. Her husband, yes, but not her.

Barbara lifted an eyebrow. "Then I got nothing about how you know, because I know Lindsay doesn't tell just anyone about that arrangement. Unless you're finally getting some with Michael, but that wouldn't explain why you're pissed off about how Lindsay's feeling. Unless..." Her eyes lit up. "Are we finally having some hot Mavinsay action here?"

The words stuck in his chest as he felt his cheeks grow hot. "Sod off," he mumbled, making her laugh. "We've just become close friends."

"Sure." She sobered quickly, his words coming back to her in the wake of her teasing. "She's... okay now, right?"

Gavin looked at her, at the worry set on her face. "She's doing better. I think you're right and you should talk to her."

"Yeah. I will." Barbara patted his shoulder, smiling at him. "Hey. Thanks for telling me. I didn't mean to hurt her."

"I know."

"And I know you're totally getting some sweet action from at least one of the Joneses for this info."

"Sod. Off."

* * *

Subtly, Gavin pulled at his beer bottle. No one looked at him as he did, so he tried again harder. His hand twisted slightly as he tried to pull his hand up, trying not to make it obvious he was looking down. No, that didn't work. If he tried this instead...

"Did you get your finger stuck in your bottle again, dumbass?"

He smiled ruefully as Michael looked over at him, face illuminated by the glow of the movie they were watching. "S'nothing," he told him, carefully tugging again. That time, he felt the bottle slip a little. Maybe one more-

There was the sound of a toilet flushing and water running, and Lindsay came back after a bit, curling up next to her husband. "What did I miss?"

"Gavin being a fucking idiot and getting his finger stuck again."

Lindsay looked around Michael, letting out a snort of laughter as she saw Gavin put the beer bottle between his knees and pull his trapped hand up. "Well, I said I wanted to be cheered up tonight, and Gavin, you took that to the next level. Bravo."

Gavin grumbled as he pulled one more time, freeing his finger. Lindsay had ambushed him after work, almost declaring he was coming over to watch movies and have bevs with them to cheer her up. And it made sense; he had seen her going out to lunch with Barbara earlier, and if what she had said was true, Lindsay had a very emotional lunch. He owed it to her if that was the case. He had told Barbara about how Lindsay had felt, and gotten her to realize that maybe she needed to talk to her.

There was a scrape of fingers against plastic, the sound of popcorn finally finished. "Ugh." Lindsay stuck the last few pathetic popped kernels in her mouth, and poked Michael in the side with salty fingers. "What did I marry you for, if it wasn't to keep us supplied with popcorn during movie nights?"

"Hey!" Michael squirmed away from her prods, batting her hand. "You have legs, woman. Make your own damn popcorn."

"Yes, but that means missing more of the movie."

"You know we can pause it," Gavin pointed out, and Michael pointed at him with raised eyebrows.

Lindsay sighed. "How about this? I get another round of beers, Gavin promises not to get his finger stuck in anything else tonight, and you make the popcorn?"

Michael looked between them, then leaned forward to pause the movie. "You two are lucky you're cute," he grumbled, snagging the bowl as he stood. Lindsay laughed as she followed him, gathering the empties as she went. They paused for a moment to share a small kiss, making Gavin look away uncomfortably, before going into the kitchen.

Leaving Gavin alone with his thoughts. He knew it was a little strange how he let Lindsay just roll over him, how he just went along with as she wanted, but it felt right. It felt right to make her smile. Barbara had mentioned Mavinsay, the three of them together, and it didn't... it wasn't that, was it? He definitely didn't want to shag Lindsay, not at all. She was a lovely, wonderful woman, but he never wanted to do that. But something like this, curled up, watching a movie, and making comments the entire time... it felt comfortable. So it wasn't like they were all shagging... but they weren't dating either? Just hanging out and having bevs and having fun. That was all.

A bottle dangled in front of his face, and Gavin took it after he realized what it was. "Thinking too hard?" Lindsay asked, settling down on her end and putting down the other two beers.

"Nah." Gavin opened his bottle and took a drink, looking at her. She hadn't looked sad the entire night, but now... "You okay?"

"Huh? Yeah." Lindsay shook herself a little. "Just... had a talk with Barbara today and cleared some things up." She took a drink of her own beer before leaning back, arm over her stomach. "Still wasn't easy, going over that again."

"I can imagine," he told her, leaning forward a bit. "It was hard every time I had to face the fact I had broken up with Meg. Got easier, but at first it was bloody difficult, waking up and she wasn't there."

Lindsay looked over at him. "Yeah."

That word... Gavin put down his bottle, turning to her. Lindsay just looked so... lost. Not like herself. It tore her up more than she was willing to admit. Without thinking about it, Gavin slid over to her and pulled her into a hug, his nose buried in her hair. She started slightly, then relaxed into it, putting her own bottle down so she could wrap her arms around him. They sat like that for a moment, Gavin reaching up to stroke her hair. "I can always replace-" he started before Lindsay snorted.

"Don't." She poked him in the side, making him yelp and twist away. Amused, she did it again, making there only one course of action.

Revenge.

Gavin grabbed her hand, reaching down to poke her side. Lindsay reacted the same way he did, trying to get away from his fingers. He followed her, unrelenting as they lightly danced of her, tickling her and making her laugh merrily. She grabbed the offending hand, grinning widely as she was half pinned against the couch. There, that was the look she should have. One of happiness, of-

A flicker out of the corner of his eye made Gavin turn his head, looking up at Michael. And by the thunderous look starting to build, he realized that there was a line they had crossed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goddamn it story, stop growing on me. With any hope, I should actually be getting into endgame now.

"Would you two," Michael started, making Gavin wince at the rising tone as he slowly let go of Lindsay's wrist, "care to explain why the _fuck_ you were about to kiss?!"

Lindsay's fingers released Gavin's other hand as he jolted up, brows knitting in confusing. "Kiss? Boi, we were-"

Michael pointed at him accusingly with the bowl in his hands, popcorn shaking loose with the gesture. "Don't you even start that 'boi' shit. You two might have thought you were slick, talking to each other next to my right ear, but _fuck_. You think I don't know you two are at least talking?" He turned to Lindsay as she straightened into a sitting position. "Pretty fucking ballsy, going behind my back when I'm right fucking here. And slipping the fuck up like that? Like I couldn't hear you laughing! And coming in to see you _pinning my wife to the couch_..." Michael turned back to Gavin at that, giving him his full fury. "You really think I'm going to buy 'we weren't about to kiss'?"

"We weren't!" Gavin objected. "We were talking about Barbara and I wanted to cheer her up, s'all. Michael, I would never-"

"Especially since we haven't talked about this beforehand," Lindsay interrupted him, making Gavin look over to her in surprise. What was she saying? "We're a fucked up bunch here, but I sure as hell wouldn't do something like that unless we've all sat down and decided we wanted this. Come on, Michael. Do you really think I would actually go behind your back on something like this, especially with someone you're already fucking?"

Gavin looked between Lindsay and Michael, trying to follow along. He had never heard anything about this before now, that Lindsay had thought about this, that it was even an option on the table. "And as one of the people actually involved in this, I've never entertained this idea before," he told them, turning their attention on him. "Well," he continued, squirming under the weight of their gaze, "s'like I was trying to find my place as Michael's boi when you're his wife, yeah? I thought I found it as Lindsay's friend and Michael's boi, between..." Gavin trailed off, blinking.

Michael let it hang between the three of them for a moment before he picked it up. "Between us," he finished, suppressed anger tightening his voice.

"I." He looked at the two of them, trying to find the words. That was all Michael needed, the look darkening his eyes.

"Leave," Michael suggested. "Go for a walk, call a cab, what the fuck ever. Just get out of here."

"Hey! This involves me too." Gavin kept sitting stubbornly as Michael slammed the bowl down on the table, striding over to him. "This isn't something you can shut me out of and talk to Lindsay like usual with your super secret marriage language."

Lindsay held up her hands, trying to insert some sanity into the situation. "Wait. You really believe we're trying to shut you out when we're signing to each other?"

"You know what we're saying," Michael growled. "Stop playing the moron."

Gavin stood at that, his own anger spurring his movements. "Not all of them! You're using words I haven't learned yet and stuff you two made up so I won't know what you're saying. So we're talking behind your back? You're doing it right in front of my face!"

"Whoa!" Lindsay stood suddenly, hands between them as Michael bristled. "What the _fuck_ , Gavin? So suddenly we're all keeping secrets from each other, is that it? Gavin, we're not talking behind your back because we know it's a language you know too, and if it's a weird sign then ask what the fuck we're saying! And you." She looked over at Michael, her eyes narrowing. "Your first instinct is your wife is cheating on you when you know if she wants something like this, she _talks_ to you first? That we have an arrangement and that includes talking to each other about what the terms are? Someone's playing the moron and I don't think it's Gavin."

Michael turned to her, glaring. "Lindsay," he started before she slapped her hand over his mouth.

"Shut the fuck up," she told him in a low tone, "and listen to me. We've all had a communication breakdown somewhere, and it's finally come to a fucking head here. So pull your panties out of your ass and sit down. We actually need to talk, and I'm not talking just us two."

Gavin rubbed his thighs as he sat back down, Michael taking his seat on the far end of the couch and turning so he could see both of them. Lindsay moved the bowl out of the way and brushed the stray popcorn off the table so she could sit down, looking between them. Silence stretched for a moment as they all reached for words to start. Finally, Gavin leaned forward, hands dangling between his knees. "I never thought about kissing Lindsay," he said. "It just... this was top. This evening before everything went to shit. Hanging out with the two of you, and having a memory of Michael sucking my knob from a few days ago."

Lindsay coughed at that, eyebrows raising. "Well, that's more information about your sex life than I needed, thank you Gavin," she said dryly.

"That doesn't explain why I heard you two laughing and walked in on you pinning her to the couch." Michael's voice held suppressed fury, but at least was no longer shouting.

"Playing around." Gavin shrugged at that. "She looked sad, so I wanted to cheer her up. And Lindsay started to poke me, so I poked her back and-" He made a motion with his hands, trying to show how he came to tickle her back onto the couch and Lindsay grabbing his wrist to stop him. "Nothing more."

Michael looked over at Lindsay, who nodded. "Tickle fight."

"Fine." He pushed a hand through his curls, letting out a long breath. "Then what the fuck is this shit about being between us? I thought that's not what you wanted to do?"

"I..." Gavin looked over at Lindsay, then at Michael. That feeling he had crossed a line came back, not knowing if he could go back if he started talking. "I... thought that might be my place? It didn't feel right just as your boi; it felt like I was a side shag. But being Lindsay's friend, it felt like... like not being outside when you two are being all married. It felt like being part of it, between you two where... where I wasn't _between_ you."

Michael blinked, long and slow. "What."

Gavin rubbed his mouth, trying to put it another way. "It's like... being between you two and not being anything with either of you. Not good, yeah? It's _between_ you. But it's between you, being with both of you and that's top."

"So you want to be with both of us," Lindsay said slowly, and Gavin blanched as he realized what words had come out of his mouth.

"No, no, no, that's not what I meant." His hands came up, trying to wave her words back. "Not like that! I meant, as Michael's boi and your friend. That's it. Between you like that, with you two. So you two aren't pushed apart, so we're all... together."

Michael sat back at that, looking steadily at him. His gaze flickered over to Lindsay, who had put her elbows on her knees and laced her fingers together in front of her face as she regarded Gavin. Her eyes turned to Michael, then back to Gavin. "You know what you're saying, right?" she finally said, lifting her head so her husband could read her lips.

No. Not what it meant to Lindsay and Michael, apparently. "I... what does it mean to you?"

"It means you want this to be some sort of weird threesome," Michael told him, eyes turned steady on him. "Gavin, what the fuck."

That wasn't what he-! Gavin lowered his head, rubbing his knees as he thought. He didn't want it to be a threesome, right? The Mavinsay thing Barbara brought up was a joke. He didn't want Lindsay; she was just a friend. But he... he did want all of them to be together. Not pushed apart. He lifted his head, looking at Michael and Lindsay in turn as they regarded him. "What do you think of that?" he asked instead, watching both of them scrub their faces with their hands at the words.

"I think we're going to have to figure it out when we're a little less drunk and a little calmer," Lindsay finally said, pointedly looking at Michael. "Because what the fuck, Gavin. You wanting that kind of threesome is not something I expected to hear tonight. Go ahead and crash here for the night. Someone will drive you home in the morning." She slid off the table, rubbing her face. "Fuck."

Gavin looked over at Michael, who also rubbed his face. "You have to make everything difficult," he told Gavin, anger still running through his words. "Get some sleep, jackass. If you fucked off because you're too much of a chickenshit without alcohol, I'm going to track you down and beat the shit out of you."

"I won't," he said, watching as Lindsay retrieved a spare pillow and blanket. "Michael, I... you've always been my boi. I wouldn't do anything to change that."

"And that's what makes this weird," came the blunt reply as Michael shut off the movie. "Fuck, Gavin. It'd make more sense if you were fucking Lindsay too. At least I'd know how to react to that."

Gavin just watched Michael grab the uneaten popcorn, halfheartedly scooping the fallen pieces into the bowl before leaving to dump it. As he did so, Gavin snagged his neglected beer and took a long pull. That line had been long crossed, and he wanted to go back over it so badly. Back to where they knew where they all stood. Like this... he looked at the pillow and blanket, twisting the bottle between his fingers. He had just now figured out his place, and screwed that up trying to put that smile on Lindsay's face. Now they had to find that place all over again, and Gavin didn't know if he could find it again.

He took another drink, closing his eyes as the thoughts pounded through the alcohol buzz, threatening to keep him up through the night.


	15. Chapter 15

Smee jumped up on his chest to demand attention, pulling Gavin from his thoughts. He blinked a little at the cat, running his hand through his fur as he leaned back in thought. Avoiding both of them all day was cowardly, he knew, but he didn't have an answer for Michael and Lindsay. He just couldn't tell them what they wanted to know. What was it they wanted to know, anyway? He hadn't wanted to kiss Lindsay at all, and shagging her hadn't crossed his mind even after Barbara had mentioned it. It had been top just how it was, being Lindsay's friend and Michael's boi and finally finding his place between them.

Gavin's fingers rubbed in small circles around Smee's ears, the thought stabbing at him. Between them. That phrase kept coming back to him. He hadn't wanted to be between them, and force them apart. They were such a lovely couple, and he didn't want to hurt either of them like that. But this was a different between them. Not the type that they seemed to think it was, though. He didn't want Lindsay. He just... what? What did he want? Gavin's thumb brushed along Smee's jaw as he purred, eyes closed and rubbing against the finger. His head ducked so Gavin's fingers were back on the top of his head, wordlessly telling him that was where he wanted attention lavished. Gavin half-expected to have Penny jump up next to them for pets next, until he remembered that both he and Meg decided she should take the little one with her. He rubbed a finger under Smee's chin, watching the blissful expression as he thought.

Things had just... gone not the way he had thought they would. He still loved Meg so hopelessly, but it became easier every day to remember she wasn't there. His relationship with Michael had added shagging into the mix, and it seemed so natural. Lindsay was cooler with it than he expected her to be, and he wanted to make her smile again when Barbara broke up with her. He just loved them all so much that when it all went the way it did that-

Gavin's hand froze, and Smee continued to rub against it before glaring at him and jumping down. Where had _that_ thought come from? He poked at it again, trying to follow it. Okay, loving Meg. That was obvious. He had fallen in love with her, and he was still in love with her. But they were no longer together. Michael? He didn't... he didn't love his boi, right? At least, not like that. It was Michael. They were mates, and they shagged occasionally. Gavin looked up at the ceiling, swallowing. Lindsay... he just wanted her happy, right? Because they're all friends? Not because he had fallen in love with both of them and he wanted to shag her husband and be-

An arm draped across his eyes as he groaned. No, he was just overthinking things. They were all just friends.

His phone suddenly let out a noise, making him flail as he fumbled for it. The text notification from Michael looked up at him as he finally settled down, making him freeze. He wasn't ready for this. He still didn't know, he couldn't- he didn't have enough alcohol-

_Coming over. Have pizza ready, dumbass._

Time like this made Gavin wish he had a driver's license and owned a car. It would be so easy to go get more alcohol after putting in the order for the pizza. Instead, Gavin had to rush to see how much he had left, quickly grabbing one of the few remaining bottles of beer and taking a long drink before going to put the pizza order in. It wouldn't be there by the time Michael got there, even with Austin traffic, but... at least it was on its way. Gavin settled back nervously, taking another drink and rubbing his knee with his free hand.

Why was Michael coming over _now?_ And why with such little warning? He knew he was going through the bottle rather quickly, but Gavin couldn't stop himself from taking yet another drink. Was it about what he had said? About being between them? He wasn't ready to explain himself. If he even slipped up a little and made it sound like he thought that he might love both of them... He didn't even know how to react to that! Gavin rubbed his mouth, his leg bouncing. What was he going to do?

Soon, there came a knock. Gavin stood up too fast, feeling the room spin around him briefly as he tried to regain what he called balance, and made his way to open the door. "Michael, my boi!" he greeted once he saw Michael standing there, a box of beer under his arm. Good, more bevs.

Michael eyed him, then a look of exasperation settled in. "I text you two sentences and you're already halfway drunk," he said peevishly. "You really keep acting like we're about to eat you. How long until the pizza gets here?"

Good question. Gavin thought back to the approximate time the website had given him, and tried to gage how long had passed. "Twenty minutes?" he hazarded a guess, moving to let Michael in.

"Perfect." Michael went to put the beer into the fridge, his steps a little too measured and precise. What did he mean by perfect? Gavin closed the door slowly and took another nervous drink, trying to figure out what was going on.

Fingers wrapped around the wrist of the hand holding the beer as Michael came up behind him, lips coming down to his neck. Teeth came down, possessively digging in, making Gavin gasp as his free hand reached around to grab Michael's hip, turning his head away to give him a better stretch of skin. "What're you-" Gavin started, the thought tumbling into a moan as a tongue lavished over the bite. " _Michael._ "

"No matter what you want out of Lindsay, you're _my_ boi," Michael growled, making Gavin's hand twitch. It should have been wrong, but the words made him feel better, that Michael wasn't pushing him away for what he had said. His hips came up behind Gavin's, the line of his erection pressing against him. "I can give it to you, what you want." The hand not holding his wrist gripped his thigh, roughly stroking upward. "I can give you exactly what you asked for."

Something about what he said didn't ring right. Gavin frowned, his hips twitching as Michael kneaded his thigh, hips rutting against him almost-

Desperately.

"Michael." Gavin reached down, grabbing his wrist. "No, no, this- shit!" The word was nearly screamed as Michael bit his shoulder, hips arching into him. "Michael! What do you think I want from you two?"

"Isn't this it? It's what you wanted before." Michael lifted his head, and now Gavin could smell the same scent of alcohol on his breath. He had driven like this, he realized with a jolt. He knew Lindsay was busy at the office until late, which meant that Michael would have been left alone with those thoughts and- "I don't know what you want anymore, Gavin. It keeps changing. You wanted to be my boi, then you wanted to fuck me, and now what? What do you want from me?" His hand tightened on Gavin's wrist, making him whimper. "What do you want from us?"

Gavin tilted his head back, finding Michael's shoulder as he did. "I don't want you to do this," he confessed. "Not feeling like this. I want you. Christ, I want you. But you're... why, Michael? Why are you doing this?"

Michael's head dropped as he took long, slow breaths. "I want to know why," he finally said, his hands loosening their grasp. "You and Lindsay... why did it happen? Was it..."

"Michael, my boi, no." Gavin pulled free and turned, the hand not holding the beer lifting to touch Michael's jaw. "Was it because you couldn't hear what we said?" The way Michael hesitated told him enough. "You smegging knob, it's not that. We're friends. It's where my place is when she's there. Don't you remember? I don't know where my place is when she's there, because you love her so much. I don't feel like I'm meant to be there when she's there." He didn't know if the words made sense, spurred on by the beer as they were, but they kept flowing out. "But when I wanted to make her smile, I found a place. It was between you two, as her friend and your boi. It was nights were you two would act all married then you would turn and give me a kiss then I'd say something to make her laugh. It was perfect like that. It's not because of... whatever you're thinking. Michael, I... I still want to be your boi." He pushed back the words that wanted to escape, the thought of love instead as Michael lifted his gaze away from Gavin's lips. "Can't we do that? Can't we come up with a new arrangement, where we do that and no one stops loving anyone?"

That made Michael inhale, the breath shuddering in his chest. Somehow, the words hit him hard, in a way Gavin couldn't understand. "It wasn't like this with Barbara," he told him in a quiet voice. "With her, I knew what she felt, and what Barbara was to us, and... it's not the same. It'd make more sense if she just wanted like she did with Barbara - I could understand her wanting to fuck someone else now that her girlfriend has a boyfriend. But I don't understand why it's you, if I'm not enough for both of you, if-"

"Shh." Gavin kissed him, starting to understand. "We don't love you less. It's just... how I fit in, s'all."

Michael looked at him, his gaze unfocused a little from the alcohol, before he looked away. "'m too drunk to even consider what you said," he admitted. "Shouldn't have even driven over here. I'm surprised I wasn't pulled over."

"I am too," Gavin chuckled. "Come on, let's sit down. The pizza should be here in a bit."

Michael nodded, all but throwing himself onto the couch in a drunken heap. Gavin carefully put down his beer and moved his legs so he could sit down as well, settling them in his lap as Michael shifted into a more comfortable position. It went quiet as Michael closed his eyes, most likely against the drunk feeling of the room spinning. Gavin rubbed his ankle as he waited, looking over at his boi's troubled face. He never knew that might be why Michael yelled at them. Not jealousy, but... that he was afraid. His hand stroked up his calf absently, then he jumped as a knock sounded at the door. A bit sooner than he expected, given Austin. Gavin gently moved Michael's legs off of him to answer the door.

Where there was no pizza, but a harried Lindsay. "Please tell me my dumbass of a husband is here." She tried to look around him, worry in every movement. "He didn't exactly throw away those bottles and the car's missing."

"He's here," he reassured her. "Absolutely mullered, but safe."

"Thank fucking God." She tried to push past him, only to be blocked. "Gavin, what the hell?"

He lightly took her arm, pulling her out as he shut the door behind him. "Don't... yell at him, Lindsay. Or wait until tomorrow."

"He got drunk and drove over here. I think that merits being yelled at!"

Gavin rubbed his thighs, taking a deep breath. "Do you still love him?"

Lindsay shot him the dirtiest look he had seen from her in a while. "What the fuck? Of course. Where the hell did that come from?"

"Then tell him that. Lindsay..." Gavin made a motion, frustrated. "What are we doing? You're running after us like we're children, Michael is worried if he's enough for us, and I'm bloody in the middle of this wondering why we can't just have an arrangement where we go back to what we were doing and just keep loving each other! I never wanted any of this. I just want to go back to what we were doing before, with the games and bevs and-"

"Am I interrupting something?" Both of them turned sharply to see the delivery person standing there, tired and bored. "Look, I don't care what kind of weird problems you're having with your girlfriend. I just need a signature here, and you can take your pizza."

Lindsay blinked at that as Gavin quickly worked out a tip and signed the merchant copy, taking the pizza. "Gavin, what-" she started before he shook his head.

"Please, Lindsay. He's probably passed out by now anyway."

She pushed a hand through her hair as the driver left, looking down at the pizza. "Fine. Whatever. You take care of him." Lindsay lowered her hand as she eyed him, making him shift under her gaze. "You said you love him."

"I did not!" Gavin squawked. "When did I say that?"

"Right before the pizza." She turned her gaze to the door, as if she could see Michael laying on the couch. "...don't let him drive until he's sobered up. And... that's kind of what I want too." Gavin shot a look at her, surprised. "Trying to get that through his thick head's going to be hard, though. I don't know if he gets that we can all love each other in different ways." She looked back at him, and took a deep breath. "I'll yell at him for being a fucking moron when he gets home tomorrow."

And then she turned to leave him alone, frozen on his doorstep with a hot pizza in his hands.


	16. Chapter 16

As expected, Michael looked absolutely wretched as he sipped on his morning coffee. Of course, that might have something to do with the fact Gavin had made as much noise as possible while making breakfast. Served him right, coming over in that state. It could have been a lot worse, though. He had managed to get some food into Michael, and pour water down his throat before he had passed out in his spare room. Gavin leaned back in his chair, watching Michael huddle over his cup. "Lindsay's right pissed at you," he finally said.

Michael winced at that. "I'm not surprised," he muttered. "That was one of my stupider ideas." He took another sip, and looked down into its depths before turning his eyes back up. "Gav, I- shit. I totally didn't-"

"Don't." The word came out sharper than he intended. "You were a bloody idiot last night. Drinking that much, driving over here, trying to sex me up while in that state of mind- do you even remember what you did?"

"I wasn't that drunk." Michael glared at him, his hands tightening around the mug. "And yeah. I remember." One hand loosened enough to run a thumb across the rim, his eyes dropping to follow the motion. "I remember. Fuck." He took a deep breath, slouching in his chair. "I almost wish I didn't."

Gavin leaned forward, resting his arms on the table as he caught Michael's gaze. "Lindsay still loves you," he told him, watching as Michael closed his eyes briefly with a shuddering inhale. "Whatever this is- it doesn't mean she loves you any less. What was the arrangement again? You're still her husband. I don't think there's anything I can do that can change that." His fingers drummed the table as he blew out a breath, trying to think.

The coffee mug pushed across the table, empty as Michael started to stand up. "I should get home."

"What?" Gavin looked up, startled out of his thoughts. "Oh. Yes. Um, Lindsay-"

"Probably is waiting to yell at me." Michael rubbed his head, looking resigned. "I don't blame her. I'm just surprised you're not doing the same right now."

Gavin gathered up the mug as he stood, taking it over to the sink. "We're a right mess, aren't we?" As he rinsed it out, he looked up, eyeing where the wall met the ceiling. They were all a mess. Trying to figure it all out and not figuring out a damn thing. He could hear Michael come up beside him, his fingers curling around his bicep to turn Gavin around, leaning in to give him a soft kiss. The cup tumbled into the sink as Gavin slid his right arm around his waist, tilting his head into the kiss. It felt nice. Michael's fingers scraped along his beard up into his hair as he pulled back, lips barely touching Gavin's. "What's that for?" he murmured.

"Speak up, asshole."

Right. Gavin shifted so his lips rested next to Michael's left ear. "What's that for?"

He could feel Michael smile against his cheek. "Because you're fucking right. We're a mess. But we're a mess together, aren't we."

A chuckle bubbled in Gavin's chest as his free hand came up to cup Michael's face, stroking his cheekbone. "Boi, I think we were always a mess."

Michael turned his head so his lips met Gavin's again, a grin curved on them. "Good thing we have Lindsay, huh?"

That made Gavin pause, and pull his head back slightly as his hand dropped. "Michael... about Lindsay..."

"I wasn't that drunk, remember?" His hand dropped out of Gavin's hair as Michael looked at him, gaze intent. "Gavin, I don't know how we can make it work. But I know I _want_ to make it work because... well, I... fuck." His forehead fell against Gavin's shoulder. "Give me a minute; I'm still hungover," he mumbled. "I remember you saying something about us still all loving each other or something. It surprised me. Hell, it still surprises me. And it makes me want to make this all work." Michael lifted his head as he cupped Gavin's face, his eyes searching his expression. "Gav, I don't know if I _love_ you, but fuck. I don't want to lose this."

Gavin blinked. "Then don't do something stupid like last night." He poked Michael's side, making him grunt and twist away. "We'll figure it out. Now get home to your wife before she comes back over here to drag you home."

Michael's lips quirked at that as he stepped back. "Yeah." He reached out and ruffled Gavin's hair briefly, smirking as he squawked in indignation. "See you at work."

* * *

Mondays without being on the podcast were strange. Gavin knew he couldn't always be on, even if he was in town, but he kept expecting Gus to try to get him as 5:00 came around, reminding him to stay later. But this time, all he had to do was finish up his work and go home. He stretched as his computer shut off, one arm reaching out for his phone. It would be nice to be home early on a Monday. Well, "early" given how work had been going as of late.

"Hey." Gavin spun his chair around at Lindsay's voice, blinking up at her. "Ready to go?"

He cast Michael a nervous look, then around as her husband only finished up shutting off his own computer and came by her side. "I... am," he said cautiously.

"Cool. Come on, I know you need a ride."

Gavin looked over at Michael, trying to gauge what was going on. Were they going to talk about this so soon? Michael shrugged, not knowing either. Well then. He stood, twisting a little to pop his back before gathering his things to leave. Jack turned his head to look at them as they left, but they left too quickly for anything to be said. Gavin didn't want to know what he would have said about this situation anyway. It was bad enough Barbara kept poking at the possibility of a threesome. And now that it seemed to be true, he didn't know if he'd be able to face any of it without being incredibly incriminating. Though he could always fall back on the fact that Lindsay was a sweet, kind, terrifying woman and saying no to that was taking your life in your hands. And not just from Lindsay's wrath, he thought as he looked over at Michael.

"So Gavin," Lindsay started as she opened the car door, sliding into the driver's seat, "I have a few questions." She ignored the way he twitched when he sat down, buckling in and adjusting the mirror. "You got to play in the new build today, right? What did you think?"

"The Minecraft build?" She wanted to talk about work? Gavin clicked his belt shut as Michael did as well, meeting her eyes in the mirror. "It's got some issues."

"It's too big," Michael chimed in. "It took us forever to find that shit. We're going to have to make like six videos out of this one recording."

"Bullshit." Lindsay glanced over at Michael, her lips quirked into a smirk as she merged into Austin traffic. "I know it didn't take you that long. What else, Gavin?"

"Too many random things." This felt good. Gavin found himself smiling as he talked, his leg bouncing. It felt like... it was normal. Like this was supposed to happen.

It almost made him nervous, considering how things went wrong when he thought that before.

Lindsay finally pulled up in front of his house, setting the car into park and twisting to look back at him. "You doing okay back there?" she asked, noting the look on his face.

Michael turned to look at him as well, making Gavin squirm. "S'just... when things are going like this before, something comes to mess it up. This is back to being top."

"What's going to screw it up?" Michael supplied. "Yeah, I get that feeling too. But... hey. It's not like we're all working off some really fucked up misconceptions right now. We're all trying to make this whole thing work. And we're going to, right?" Gavin nodded to that, making Michael grin. "So let's make it work."

"This is what you want, right?" came Lindsay's worried voice. The way she turned her body must have been uncomfortable, but she stayed that way to keep her eyes on Gavin's face. "Because we love you in our own different ways - shut up, Michael - and I at least want you to get what you want."

Gavin took a slow breath, rubbing his knees. Was this? He looked between them, noticing how Michael kept his gaze on his lips, waiting for a response. It had been wonderful to just... talk about their day like this. To watch Lindsay smile and Michael smile... and know that at just a question, he could have Michael stay over. If he wanted to, he could have a tumble with him. And the next day, repeat today. Have a normal day at work, Lindsay or Michael or both drive him home, and have a drive like this... He reached out without thinking, covering Lindsay's hand before stretching even further, kissing Michael.

"I think we have our answer," Michael said against his lips, amused as he settled back. "Well. Game of Thrones marathon this weekend. Three of us. Your place, because Lindsay will not shut up about Smee lately." A smile danced on his lips as he looked over at Gavin. "Sound good?"

An image appeared in Gavin's mind, of when Lindsay had been curled up next to Michael during that movie. Only now, he could see his head in Michael's lap, Lindsay's fingers gently combing his hair. Gavin nodded, warmth blooming in his chest at the thought. He could do that.

And as both of them smiled at him, it became much easier to believe they could do this.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO. Finally. Thank you all so much for sticking with me through this. It started as something personal, and ended up being this polyromantic behemoth fic. But it's done! Thank you everyone, for all that read this, left kudos, and wrote comments!


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